CAUTION: Turkey Farts are an extreme safety concern, when inhaled in a confined living room, with no air circulation, amongst a large gathering of relatives, friends and/or total strangers that ate like famished farm goats on Thanksgiving Day. Do not light a match or lighter in this extreme situation either, Turkey Farts are incredibly flammable. Any door marked “bathroom” within a Thanksgiving feast setting should also be avoided… unless you are equipped with a certified industrial gas mask.
* LOWER DWELLING EVACUATION PROCEDURES:
*NEVER move to a higher level of the house/apartment to escape a Turkey Fart… as with all nasty farts, they are fueled by excessive heat which only makes them rise farther into the air. Survivors of Turkey Fart inhalation will tell you, move to lower ground and make certain you bring enough beer with you. Beer Farts are not known to be as toxic as a Turkey Fart, therefore, the Beer Fart is the lesser of two evils.
* NOTE: You can escape a Turkey Fart by going outside, only the NFL games, assorted pastry, party platters, cheese, crackers and refreshments are all readily available… inside your own/hosts dwelling. Also, it is not far fetched to walk/run into an invading “Turkey Fart Thunder Cloud” from another neighborhood dwelling that is engulfing an entire street or city block… that is a whole other Turkey Fart nightmare for another day. Instead, be wise and refer back to ”lower dwelling evacuation procedures.”
* WARNING SIGNS OF POTENTIAL TURKEY FART OUTBURSTS: In the extreme event you begin to hear a relative/friend/stranger utter: “gobble, gobble”, they are experiencing what is known as Turkey Fart hallucination. Get as far away from this person as you can! This is a tell tale sign that this Turkey glutton has eaten more turkey than their body can handle, resulting in toxic Turkey Fart emissions.
* Stay clear from any relative or immediate family member who exclaims upon finishing their Thanksgiving meal: “gosh, all I want to do right about now is lie down.” This person is a carrier of Turkey Fart fever! Within 2 to 4 minutes, this dangerous individual will be letting loose Turkey Farts so potent and bizarre, you will wish you were standing in the middle of the Arctic Circle… with some cold beer and Black Metal blasting, of course.
Keep it safe this Thanksgiving and beware of Turkey Farts.
If you or someone you know, is a Turkey Fart inhalation survivor, please feel free to comment about it. Letting your story be heard, is the first step towards defeating your Turkey Fart anxiety.