INCREDIBLE NEWS ALERT: HEAVY METAL SONG RECEIVED FROM 100 LIGHT YEARS AWAY!


INCREDIBLE NEWS ALERT: This press release was taken from the World Wide Incredible Scientific News of Importance News Bureau – (WWISNINB) – Dr. Matthias W. Zinkweller III of the United Laboratories of Intergalactic and Alien Studies for Independence and Thought has discovered, on March 31, 2010, a song that was received through their highly sensitive audio satellites. Only this song travelled from 100 light years away! States Dr. Zinkweller III: “This is definitely a song, there is melody, it is very heavy in overall sound and bears every likeness to that of the music we know as Heavy Metal here on Earth”. During this non-televised and near secretive press conference, Dr. Zinkweller III became emotional, needing assistance from fellow physics scholar and astronomer Dr. Antonio T. Assterginas. Dr. Assterginas added: We all know of the magnitude of world importance this discovery means to us all, we all must approach this discovery, with open arms and an open mind as well”.

Once Dr. Zinkweller III was able to restrain his emotions, he touched upon the vocalization of this Heavy Metal song from deep space: “We have brought in over 50 linguistic experts from around the world, trying in vain, around the clock, to decipher what language this may be. After nearly 16 hours of deliberation and experimentation, the pre-hypothesis is that this language is completely unknown to human kind. Our computer models and programs cannot even recognize a syllable from the vocals, heard on this amazing song. The only certainty, however, is that this is a Heavy Metal song that exhibits the Hair Metal genre”.

When asked by the press as to what further steps were necessary, in pinpointing just exactly where this Heavy Metal song from 100 light years was sent from, Dr. Assterginas interjected: We have not even come close to deciding exactly where and from what this Heavy Metal song originated from. All we can validate, through our computer models and data, is that this song travelled from an unknown destination to us, approximately 100 light years away”. One press representative asked if the vocals could be compared to any Earthly known singer from the Hair Metal genre, Dr. Assterginas replied: “We are not as well versed in the names of Hair Metal vocalists and/or musicians as we would like to be”. Names of Steven Tyler to Dee Snider were thrown at these two brave scientists from the press, still these two courageous scientists conceded their lack of knowledge with the names of known Earth bound singers of Heavy Metal.

Holy Metal on Earth is this an unreal news story or what?! I have always been a believer in UFO’s, Bigfoot, Mothman, The New Jersey Devil and yes… ghosts. However, this takes the Metal cake here! Somewhere out there… 100 light years away, are Heavy Metal aliens!!! How cool is this? I just knew we could not have been the only Metalhead planet floating around out there! I will do my very best to follow up on this unreal and mind blowing story of the century! I’m a tad numb right now… this is beyond fantastic news!

Talk about Heavy Metal history.

Stone.

Oh, by the way… APRIL FOOLS!

8 Responses to “INCREDIBLE NEWS ALERT: HEAVY METAL SONG RECEIVED FROM 100 LIGHT YEARS AWAY!”

  1. LMAO!!! That was classic!!

  2. Bigfoot is really the old bass player in Madam X!

  3. There are reports down here (for real this time) about a “bigfoot” sighting.

    We live on the Ohio River and there were reports coming from KY (which is across the river, well technically when you step foot in the water, you are on KY “land”). Anyway there is an deserted (spooky) island in that area BEFORE you get to KY.

    In or around this area: there are deer hunters that use spot lights and they said they spotted something large like that once and was making an awful loud (unidentifiable) noise. And evidently it was catching and eating deer! and Deer can run hella’ fast too…

    Also the other deer all around the area was spooked and running around all scared and stuff.

    *So then they sent a news crew and or media to investigate. They went to the wrong area and even reported somewhere else in KY when they broadcasted their “report”….

    rumor is that the real deal is the fact that they went to the “right” place and when they got there one went out in the woods for a few hours and one stayed back at the white van, and the dude in the van was shaken badly upon his return and “something” was thrashing that van around and almost turned it over and dented it to pieces!

    They got the hell out of dodge and never looked back. All of the locals are too scared to go around that area now (and red neck hunters aren’t scared of anything). So who knows….

    Wow! Bigfoot(s) in Southern Indiana area!!!! I thought that was a Pacific Northwest phenom………yikes….

    this is practically in my parents back yard (relatively speaking) and easily within range should he/she/it get hungry!

    I am going back to Chicago!!!

    P.S. Sorry to get off the “metal” track….

    -Kinger

    • metalodyssey Says:

      Bigfoot, paranormal and oddity stories are right up my Metal alley. Bigfoot country is now in Western Oklahoma and Eastern Texas too. The New England States have had their fair share of sightings as well. The Pacific Northwest is the “original” breeding ground for these hairy, king sized hermits… only as the saying goes… it’s a small world.

      Besides, just look at how many cool bands that are into this paranormal and/or monster “thing”: Misfits, Rob Zombie, Black Sabbath, DIO, King Diamond, just to rattle some off. Besides, there is a band named UFO afterall!

      Judas Priest on their “Angel of Retribution” album has a song about the Lochness Monster called – “Lochness”.

      How can we forget the classic – “Hangar 18” from Megadeth?

      So… it’s all very, very, relevant! Metal, monsters, space aliens and ghosts go together perfectly… IMO.

      NOT scared in PA – (well, sometimes I get jittery with creepy stories)

      Stone

  4. I think I saw Bigfoot at Wal-Mart.

    • metalodyssey Says:

      That’s not far fetched… I’ve seen those Walmartian pictures.

      Plus… I believe I’ve heard Bigfoot letting loose way too many times… in the bathroom stall at Walmart. You need to wear a hazardous materials suit just to enter that damned restroom.

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