INCREDIBLE NEWS ALERT: This press release was taken from the World Wide Incredible Scientific News of Importance News Bureau – (WWISNINB) – Dr. Matthias W. Zinkweller III of the United Laboratories of Intergalactic and Alien Studies for Independence and Thought has discovered, on March 31, 2010, a song that was received through their highly sensitive audio satellites. Only this song travelled from 100 light years away! States Dr. Zinkweller III: “This is definitely a song, there is melody, it is very heavy in overall sound and bears every likeness to that of the music we know as Heavy Metal here on Earth”. During this non-televised and near secretive press conference, Dr. Zinkweller III became emotional, needing assistance from fellow physics scholar and astronomer Dr. Antonio T. Assterginas. Dr. Assterginas added: We all know of the magnitude of world importance this discovery means to us all, we all must approach this discovery, with open arms and an open mind as well”.
Once Dr. Zinkweller III was able to restrain his emotions, he touched upon the vocalization of this Heavy Metal song from deep space: “We have brought in over 50 linguistic experts from around the world, trying in vain, around the clock, to decipher what language this may be. After nearly 16 hours of deliberation and experimentation, the pre-hypothesis is that this language is completely unknown to human kind. Our computer models and programs cannot even recognize a syllable from the vocals, heard on this amazing song. The only certainty, however, is that this is a Heavy Metal song that exhibits the Hair Metal genre”.
When asked by the press as to what further steps were necessary, in pinpointing just exactly where this Heavy Metal song from 100 light years was sent from, Dr. Assterginas interjected: We have not even come close to deciding exactly where and from what this Heavy Metal song originated from. All we can validate, through our computer models and data, is that this song travelled from an unknown destination to us, approximately 100 light years away”. One press representative asked if the vocals could be compared to any Earthly known singer from the Hair Metal genre, Dr. Assterginas replied: “We are not as well versed in the names of Hair Metal vocalists and/or musicians as we would like to be”. Names of Steven Tyler to Dee Snider were thrown at these two brave scientists from the press, still these two courageous scientists conceded their lack of knowledge with the names of known Earth bound singers of Heavy Metal.
Holy Metal on Earth is this an unreal news story or what?! I have always been a believer in UFO’s, Bigfoot, Mothman, The New Jersey Devil and yes… ghosts. However, this takes the Metal cake here! Somewhere out there… 100 light years away, are Heavy Metal aliens!!! How cool is this? I just knew we could not have been the only Metalhead planet floating around out there! I will do my very best to follow up on this unreal and mind blowing story of the century! I’m a tad numb right now… this is beyond fantastic news!
Talk about Heavy Metal history.
Stone.
Oh, by the way… APRIL FOOLS!
Just due to the simple reason that I need to vent here, this is a list of things that have really been bugging me lately. Plus, I can make this list and share it, for all the world to see, which is really, really, cool. Enjoy the list! (Note: list is not in any particular order of importance, save for the first item, which is truly #1)
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