Archive for the grocery store experiences Category

The Tampon Files: Three Short Stories About… Tampons

Posted in common complaints, embarrassing situations, everyday experiences, everyday people, everyday social experiences, family, funny stories, grocery store experiences, humor, humorous experiences, life, life stories, living, people, personal stories, points to ponder, real life experiences, social encounters, true personal stories with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 13, 2009 by Metal Odyssey

The Tampon Pimp

I am a dude. I am a Metalhead dude that loves his wife deeply. I will do anything for her. When feminine protection supplies are needed, um, tampons, I gladly go by myself to the grocery store to buy such products for my wife. I am over that crap of being embarrassed about buying this stuff – just because I am a man, uh, dude, doesn’t mean I have to ignore this fact of life. Heck, I used to load those cigar shaped ones into a wall canister at a company I once worked for… being a maintenance man is sometimes all encompassing. I used to get hollered at like crazy by women of all ages that worked in this company… there never was enough of those damned cigar tampons in the women’s rest room canister. Trust me, a group of these women went out of their way to bellow out loud that these supplies were out, they tried to disgrace and humiliate me… only they were the disgrace, based on their behavior, fowl language and actions.

I couldn’t keep up with the demand. How was this happening? I couldn’t believe how many of those things were being used, based on the number of women that were working at this company. Could each woman working in this building be having their period at the exact time? Impossible to think. Eventually, I did figure it out. Since the cigar tampons were free, yes free, well, the daily stock wound up being taken home in large quantities. Basically, the vast majority of the cigar tampons were stolen each day. Needless to say, I was the tampon pimp.

The Five Dollar Tampon Coupon

One day, this very week, I ventured into my neighborhood grocery store to pick up some necessities. Oh yes, one of those necessities was a box of cigar shaped tampons. Only this particular grocery trip was special… I had “earned” a five dollar coupon towards a name brand tampon, an “elite” brand too. I “earned” this fabulous coupon by being a loyal customer of this fine grocery store, you betcha. So, upon knowing obtaining this product was on “the list”, I was very excited to redeem this coupon towards an over priced box of “elite” cigar shaped tampons. The “elite” brand is a whopping eight dollars plus change – for a box of thirty six! Getting this “elite” box of feminine product for around three dollars, was sweet victory to my inner soul.

I only had six items or so in my arms, therefore choosing the “express” checkout at the grocery store seemed like a power move to me. No other customer was in front of me… easy pickings at the “express” checkout lane. Or so I thought. The cashier at this “express” checkout I am very familiar with, she always is very kind, courteous and quick with conversation. Not today. You see, I am a man and I am buying tampons. This normally stable and able cashier now was frazzled, anxious and muttering words that I could not easily comprehend. The result: a small “express” grocery order gone awry. Next thing I know, my five dollar tampon coupon would not get accepted by the “electric eye” of the scanner. Ouch. What happens next? You know, that grocery check out nightmare everyone thinks about, yet does not think it will happen to them.

“Coupon override on express” is announced worriedly by my cashier through the store speaker system. After waiting for at least five minutes, (five minutes!!!), a “head” cashier comes over to ask what is wrong. By now, a “line” has formed behind me, I am staring straight at a display of tic tacs and dreaming of better moments. The cashier states with a rather loud voice… “it won’t scan this tampon coupon.” Ouch. The “head” cashier inserted a “key” into the register, opened the register door, closed it, then punched in a “secret” code. These secret intelligence steps that the “head” cashier did made the situation better… my five dollar tampon coupon was now accepted! I never saw a cashier bag an order so fast in my life. I politely said thank you to all involved in helping me complete my mission, thus I calmly walked away with bags in hand.

Setting The Dinner Table With Feminine Napkins

I was most likely, around six years old when this story took place. A true story it is. My mother, (she is now in heaven), was busy as always, cleaning around the kitchen and making dinner for the family. I, being a six year old and wanting to help my mother in any way possible, asked her what I could possibly do for her at the moment. My mother said I could set the dinner table with napkins. Hey, what easier thing to do than set the dinner table with napkins? As a six year old, heck, that was right up my alley. So, I remember vividly, like it was last year… I went to the coat closet to obtain the napkins, from the very large box where they were stored. Unfortunately, these were not napkins for food. You see, as a six year old, I was reading to an extent and the word “napkins” was boldly scrolled across a very large box of feminine napkins that my mother always stored in this coat closet. Being just a toddler, I did not know the difference, a napkin was a napkin. I did set a large feminine napkin at each dinner placing… for all four in our family. Upon my mother discovering what I had done, all I can remember is she hugged me, she laughed, then she explained these were not the “correct” napkins. This was a story my mother and I shared in laughter for a lifetime.

In Summary

Two aspects of a woman that I most admire are: 1.) a woman can give birth, 2.) a woman can survive a dreadful period each month. A woman is strong, make no mistake about it. I have the most sincere respect for what a woman must go through when it comes to child labor and a monthly period. My sympathy and respect only grew by eons due to witnessing my wonderful wife give birth to our twin daughters. The only thing I can never comprehend or understand is… why on earth is a period referred to as “friend”? Knowing what I know now, that damn monthly visit to a woman should be referred to as “enemy”. Making light of the social experiences I have had in handling and purchasing the “tampon” is to try to make sense of it all. The “taboo” nature of a man speaking of or purchasing this female necessity has to eventually cease. It is not 1920 anymore.

MetalOdyssey

ADVISORY STICKER ON SLAYER “WORLD PAINTED BLOOD” CD MAKES ME LAUGH

Posted in censorship issues, current heavy metal albums, current heavy metal bands, current heavy metal music, current metal albums, current thrash metal, current thrash metal albums, current thrash metal music, grocery store experiences, heavy metal music, hypocrisy, metal music, metal odyssey, Music, new thrash metal albums, old school thrash metal music, parental advisory issues, parental advisory sticker issue, rock music, thrash metal bands, thrash metal music with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 6, 2009 by Metal Odyssey

Slayer "World Painted Blood" small pic #1I, being a devoted Slayer fan, bought their new CD – World Painted Blood this week. An unreal great album and I will be raving about it on a future post – that’s a Metal guarantee. What makes me laugh, however, is the lame Parental Advisory/Explicit Content sticker that stares at you on the front cover wrapping of this CD. This silly little sticker also reads: strong language, sexual + violent content. If this sticker with it’s various warnings is mandated to be on the new Slayer CD, why then, is there not the same warning, for the following:

Cosmopolitan Magazine – this soft porn magazine is out in the open for toddlers and youngsters to see at every checkout in every major supermarket and retail store everywhere. The words – orgasm and sex are the monthly norm on the front cover and never out of eye sight.

All Network News and Cable News Networks – my God almighty, if there ever was a warning needed, it is for the constant news footage of war, murder, rape, violence and crimes against humanity and society. This stuff is reality and it is constantly available around the clock, every day of the year. NEVER A WARNING or Parental Advisory for when gruesome, morbid, violent and sexual images and or footage is shown by network news, at a split seconds notice… never.

Political Campaign Commercials – backstabbing, hate, lying, rumors and more hate. Those are reasons enough for me to cry out for the Parental Advisory Warning!

All Tabloid Publications – just like Cosmopolitan Magazine, these publications are fully shown, out in the open, at every checkout, at every supermarket, retail store and gasoline quick mart everywhere… for toddlers to see. No warnings to be found. Just 3/4 naked celebrities adorning the front covers with sexual headlines galore.

Day Time Soaps, (Soap Operas) – do I really need to explain why this is on the list? Again, NO WARNINGS or Parental Advisory before any soap opera that I have ever seen, in my ADULT life.

I could go on with a fantastically long list here. It is not my intention to ever censor any of the above, I am against censorship in America – period. The Metal Music and lyrics of Slayer can’t possibly be interpreted as any more offensive, as the list of examples above. My only question is, where is the fairness in placing warning stickers on Heavy Metal CD’s, (or any music genre), when other forms of media are not subject to the same advisory standards? Hypocrisy is the only answer I can find.

This sticker as shown at the bottom, also included more warnings on the Slayer CD as I stated above. Not to sound redundant, yet, if the RIAA, (Recording Industry Association of America), deems it necessary to establish this type of warning on music, why then are other media industries and/or entities exempt from using such a warning? Again, hypocrisy is the only answer I can find.

For those who may have never seen this ridiculous sticker attached onto CD’s that span many music genres, here it is in it’s most gruesome glory. By the way, this annoying little sticker only enhances a CD’s taboo mystique, in turn helping to sell more copies of the CD it’s on. In it’s own morbid way, maybe this sticker has become something of a Pop Culture symbol of cool… that’s just my Metal opinion.

Parental Advisory Sticker - large image

When a Grocery Store Song Gets You Psyched…

Posted in 1970's classic rock albums, 1970's classic rock bands, 1970's classic rock songs, 1970's soft rock music, 1970's classic rock music, 1970's Rock, 1970's rock music, classic rock, classic rock albums, classic rock bands, classic rock cover songs, classic rock music, classic rock songs, classic rock vocalists, cool album covers, cover songs, current grocery store songs, department store experiences, electric light orchestra, essential classic rock albums, essential classic rock songs, everyday experiences, everyday people, feel good stories, grocery store experiences, grocery store song playlists, Music, people, rock & roll, rock and roll, rock music, rock vocalists, soft rock music with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 30, 2009 by Metal Odyssey

MetalOdysseyI am going to embark on a topic that may be sensitive to some people… what really happens when a grocery store song gets you, well, psyched? I have decided tonight, to come out of the grocery store song closet. Yup. Please note, that department store chains also play songs over their central speaker system as well… I will refer to grocery store songs to simplify things. Be honest with yourself, there just had to be at least one moment in your life, where you were innocently shopping in a grocery store and then… that song was played. For me, I have had numerous experiences while grocery shopping and suddenly a song begins that just touches my Rock and Roll nerve. How do you act when this situation arises? Do you show emotion? Maybe you hide your psyched out – inner feelings and pretend that nothing is going on at all, you are in a public setting… a damn grocery store for Metal sakes. Let’s explore this incredibly taboo subject together now, shall we?

ELO "Flashback" small album picIt is really senseless to ignore that this grocery store song phenomenon exists… it is o.k. to hear a song playing in a grocery store that psyches you out. My top three grocery store songs ever are: Lido Shuffle by Boz Skaggs, Sweet Talkin’ Woman by The Electric Light Orchestra and Call Me by Blondie. Seriously, I really strain to hold back my psyched out feelings when Lido Shuffle gets played at the grocery store – really. I can remember each moment when I heard these three songs in the grocery store… I felt so good I wanted to run up and down the aisles, high five strangers while shouting yeah! I have been fortunate enough to have heard Sweet Talkin’ Woman several times at the grocery store now, each time is a psyched out charm. Now, for the truth… when I do hear a grocery store song that gets me riveted, I stay cool and collected. My face may show signs of Rock Music satisfaction, a semi-grin if you will, however, staying cool is the best advice I can give anyone who hears a song they like in the grocery store. Just this evening, I was meandering about in an antiques mall, my wife and one half of my twin daughters were close by. Anyhow, inside this antiques mall, Old School Country Music was being played through the stores speaker system. No songs were psyching me out… no problem, until… Carly Simon came on with Your So Vain.

Carly Simon " The Best Of" small album picUh, Carly Simon did get me semi-psyched out at the antiques mall tonight. Maybe it was due to my surroundings… all of this old stuff… antiques everywhere, the ambiance within the framework of this store is quite calm and somewhat like a rerun of The Walton’s. With all of this mellow and old fashioned stimulus around me, hearing Carly Simon sing Your So Vain in the midst of all the Old School Country Music just did it for me. Honestly, I now understand why Faster Pussycat did a cover of Your So Vain… this song most likely struck a chord with Taime Downe (lead singer of Faster Pussycat), like it did me tonight. Weird stuff. Remember, we as a society, are most likely 35 years away from hearing Megadeth and Obituary songs being played as grocery store songs. This is a shame. I have to take what is given to me here, then my Rock and Roll mind filters out the very best of what I do hear with these current grocery store songs that are being played… the psyche me out ones. Now, before you ever step foot into a grocery store again, please take some solid Metal advice in regards to getting psyched out by a song you may hear once there…

Please, if you like to hum along to your favorite grocery store song – stop! I find the annoying humming of a stranger in a grocery store, to be just as offensive as a stranger walking by me and dropping a fart. If you feel the need to sing along to a grocery store song that psyches you out – stop! The setting of a grocery store is not karaoke night at the Wonderland Pub. In the event you find yourself starting to dance and/or move in a groovy manner to a grocery store song – stop! I and potentially many other people, could possibly get anxious by your actions and report you to the store manager or security detail. Remember, the grocery store is not the dance floor of your cousin Jackie’s wedding. Then again, you may ignore my advice altogether and find me to be a tad too sensitive… however, when I hear my next psyched out city, grocery store song, I will remind myself that staying cool is the rule.

Boz Skaggs "Silk Degrees" large album pic

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