Archive for the life stories Category

THE WHO – “GREATEST HITS” IS MY ANNIVERSARY GIFT!

Posted in 1960's classic rock music, 1960's classic rock bands, 1960's rock & roll british invasion, 1960's rock music, 1970's classic rock bands, 1970's classic rock music, 1970's hard rock, 1970's rock bands, 1970's rock music, 1980's classic rock bands, 1980's rock music, 1980's classic rock, 1980's classic rock music, 1980's hard rock bands, 1990's hard rock music, 1990's rock bands, 1990's rock music, 1990's hard rock bands, classic rock, classic rock albums, classic rock bands, classic rock music, classic rock songs, cool album covers, current rock bands, family, feel good stories, hard rock bands, hard rock music, life, life stories, living, metal odyssey, Music, real life experiences, Rock, rock & roll, rock and roll, rock and roll hall of fame inductees, rock music, rock music history with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 10, 2010 by Metal Odyssey

My wife and I will celebrate our 15 year Wedding Anniversary on February 11th. Wow, how time has flown by! Tonight, while strolling about at K-Mart, my wife informed me my anniversary gift from her is The Who – Greatest Hits. (Not too shabby, in my Metal opinion). Heck, I’m the guy, I never expect an anniversary gift to begin with… I always make sure my wife gets a gift for certain, still, this feels like a bonus to me!

What’s very exciting about getting this CD from my wife is the pure fact: I have never owned The Who on CD my entire life!! You read that correctly… never did I upgrade The Who to CD, after all these years. Go figure. Of course, I have owned some, (not all), of The Who titles on vinyl and cassette… still have them floating around somewhere. It’s an invigorating feeling to have this Greatest Hits by The Who now… 19 songs and all! What sweetens the deal about this CD is that it was on sale for $9.99! Yes, maybe I have given off hints now and again that I am frugal… it’s from growing up in New England for most of my life… in extremely expensive Connecticut. Believe me, if you live or ever lived in Connecticut, you know what I mean. Living there, man, you have to know how to cut corners and clip coupons… or go broke trying.

Back to The Who… my wife and I, along with my best Metal buddy Scott Coverdale, saw The Who back in the mid ’90’s… seeing them was a thrill beyond belief for me. Drivin N Cryin was the opening band too. I’m thankful I was able to witness John Entwistle live, on bass as well. This legendary show was at the Meadows Music Theater in Hartford, Connecticut.

The Who is a band that I can never, ever, grow tired of. Honestly, The Who just strikes that certain chord within my psyche… and I’m not concerned about figuring it out either. Seeing Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend Rockin’ out during the Super Bowl XLIV half-time special… was something special. I could only hope and pray, that I am in that kind of shape when I hit that age! Sure, Roger Daltrey may not sound like he did in 1980… yet c’mon… he belted it out for the world to know that The Who is still around and damn proud! Pete Townshend also reminded us all, that he too… can still kick some Rock and Roll ass.

My favorite song ever, from The Who, is: Eminence Front. I’m not going to attempt any explanation here, other than this is THE song. You know how it is… there’s always that one particular song from a band that resonates with your mind and soul… Eminence Front is just that song by The Who. I’m thankful for my beautiful wife of 15 years and counting… nothing beats the memories, life experiences and love we have both shared with each other. (We actually have been together since 1988, married in 1995). I’m also thankful I have the memory of seeing The Who, live, with my wife and best friend. Money can’t buy love and memories… but $9.99 can buy me the coolest wedding anniversary gift – The Who, Greatest Hits.

The Who – Greatest Hits was released on December 21, 2009.

LONG LIVE THE WHO!

Reflecting on the good memories of life and staying positive and true to yourself… is what it’s all about. Music is the stimulus of good life memories for me… the Rock Music of The Who is no exception.

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WHERE I ATE THE WORLDS GREATEST CHEESE OMELETTE – LET ME SHOW AND TELL YOU!

Posted in breakfast food, dining out, everyday experiences, everyday people, everyday social experiences, family, feel good stories, food, funny stories, life, life stories, living, people, personal stories, restaurant experiences, restaurants, road trip stories, social encounters, travel america, travel stories, vacation stories with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 6, 2010 by Metal Odyssey

When I wake up each morning, the future is all a mystery. Sure, I know my daily routine and can predict the happenings that are all a part of my usual schedule. However… I never could have predicted that I would eat the greatest cheese omelette of my entire life today! This same cheese omelette I have now looked back upon as The Worlds Greatest Cheese Omelette. Yes, I have eaten and enjoyed many a cheese omelette, at many fine restaurants and diners during my life. Yes, many family members have made a cheese omelette for me over the years. I have consumed every style, shape and even store brand type of cheese omelette, from the half cooked to eye popping in taste. Still… this cheese omelette I ate today was something special. An omelette experience to behold… really.

How my cheese omelette experience came to pass today: My wife had a vacation day from work, therefore we embarked on our journey to find a diner/restaurant that was not filled to capacity with hungry breakfast zombies. Fate was in the works from the get-go… our first stab at finding a parking spot at the first diner, Hamilton Family Restaurant or Ham Fam as we locals call it, had no parking space available. Lately, Ham Fam has been very difficult to get into… maybe due to President Obama dining there for lunch, back in early December of 2009, has something to do with it’s excessive overflow of popularity? Nevertheless, Ham Fam, (located in the fantastic city of Allentown, Pa.), is as excellent a diner as one could ever eat at. Upon our realizing Ham Fam was out of the breakfast equation, we set forth for another fine, morning dining destination – The Willows Restaurant, located in East Texas, Pennsylvania.

Admittedly and not to sound too cheesy… this omelette I savored at The Willows Restaurant today, well, it ROCKED.

Upon arriving at The Willows Restaurant, (which has ample parking), my wife and I noticed quickly, there was quite a morning breakfast crowd already there. Not to be shunned away a second time this morning for lack of parking, there was a space for the car… and not too far from the building itself! Walking towards this aged, yet well kept and inviting restaurant, we were already semi-psyched knowing the breakfast vibe was good. Once inside, we noticed the staff was super friendly and professional. Being seated in micro seconds put me into an instant tailspin too. Laughter, chatter and the sounds of a baby crying made this breakfast theater come alive… a feeling of home away from home swept over us both.

Both the waiter and waitress catered to my wife and I like we were the Presidential Couple. Our coffee cups were filled without request! Both breakfast meals were served upon us with the upmost expediency. (Pinch me please, service like this only happens in Mayberry R.F.D.). Now, for the cheese omelette experience… relax and enjoy what I’m about to tell you.

I gazed upon this cheese omelette as if it was gazing back at me. The cheese was melting out from it’s delicate edges and the visual softness of the egg was like nothing I have witnessed before. This omelette was thick, not thin or semi-thick… a real home cooked omelette… and I was not even at home! Alas, we did feel at home, here at The Willows Restaurant. With service and food this unreal great, again, this is not a Happy Days episode either, this is supposed to be 2010. I needed to save this precious omelette for last, the home fries and wheat toast beckoned me to devour them first. I eyed, even flirted with this omelette while my fork gently, ever so deftly, began to part it’s layers. Delicious and satisfying was this cheese omelette. The cheese really was melted to perfection, flowing within the cavernous egg omelette, making for a taste so remarkable, I can only call it The Worlds Greatest Cheese Omelette.

There are those moments in my life I cherish the most, moments shared with my wife, on a Friday morning where normally our schedules dictate us to feel like we are worlds apart. Instead, we were able to enjoy the simplicity and joy of just going out to breakfast together. As a bonus, I discovered the greatest omelette I have ever tasted.

Besides the exceptional service, food, cleanliness and prices at The Willows Restaurant, this is also an establishment where you can laugh and/or cry at… as the above sign reads, from the happiest of occasions to funeral dinners.

– Stone

WANNA SEE MY MOTORHEAD BOOK? IT’S REAL COOL…

Posted in 1970's classic rock music, 1970's hard rock, 1970's heavy metal, 1970's heavy metal bands, 1980's hard rock, 1980's hard rock bands, 1980's heavy metal bands, 1980's heavy metal music, 1980's metal bands, 1981 heavy metal music, 1990's hard rock music, 1990's heavy metal bands, 1990's metal bands, 1990's hard rock bands, 1990's heavy metal music, book reviews, classic heavy metal, classic rock, classic rock music, collecting rock music, current heavy metal bands, family, feel good stories, Hard Rock, hard rock music, Heavy Metal, heavy metal bands, heavy metal book reviews, heavy metal history, heavy metal memorabilia, heavy metal music, life, life stories, metal music, metal odyssey, Music, old school heavy metal, rock & roll, rock and roll, rock music, rock music books with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 12, 2010 by Metal Odyssey

The year was 1987 and I was yes, a Motorhead fan. (I still am a Motorhead fan, of course). As Christmas approached in 1987, my late mother had asked me what I would want for (potential) gifts. Well, most certainly they were Heavy Metal related gifts… vinyl albums, CD’s, posters and one very special book in particular. I was raised where you never received every gift on your list… so the bigger the list did not mean the more the gifts. So, with that thought in mind, I really crossed my fingers and hoped that this really cool book would be checked off of the request list that I gave to my mother. That really cool book was titled… MOTORHEAD. Oh yeah, Motorhead. Just the cover alone had me grinning from ear to ear, with Lemmy Kilmister, Philthy Animal Taylor and Fast Eddie Clarke in all of their Rock n’ Roll and goofy splendor. (See the really cool front cover pic of this book below, to see what I mean by that statement). To make a long Metal story short… my mother did buy me that Motorhead book for Christmas after all! I will never forget the smile on her face, as she saw the excitement in mine, upon my first opening that book up on Christmas day in ’87. The sentimental link this book has to my late mother, plus it being a book that’s just about Motorhead… well, it’s priceless to me, both the memory and this book combined.

This dandy Motorhead book was published by Babylon Books in 1981. (Whoa, I used the word… dandy, on Metal Odyssey). One odd thing about this book is that the pages are not numbered. I did count the pages myself, it was pretty easy to do too, yup, there are 64 pages total, (not counting the front and back covers). Throughout this Motorhead book, there are dozens of vintage black & white photos of Lemmy, Eddie and Phil, as well as oddball photos ranging from groupies to fanzine photos and illustrations. The Metal note to remember here is that this book documents Motorhead up until 1981, it is so easy to thumb through these pages expecting to see Brian Robertson, Wurzel, Phil Campbell or Mikkey Dee. This is as vintage as it gets with Motorhead history!

From Lemmy Kilmister’s very beginnings in Rock Music with The Sam Gopal Dream and later Hawkwind, this book lends itself to being a Motorhead 101 mini text book. A well documented history on just how Motorhead came together, through anecdotes and personal accounts makes for a fun and Metal educational read every time. A historical timeline of radio interviews and television appearances up to 1981 are also documented. What would this book be without a Motorhead discography? Albums, singles and bootlegs are covered! Biographies of Lemmy, Eddie and Phil are also included. Want to know the complete 1981 United States tour schedule that Motorhead had? The 1981 tour schedule is nailed down too! I could probably, with incredible Metal ease, blab away for paragraphs on end about the details found in this Motorhead book… unfortunately, I just can’t do that. Take my Metal word for it though… if you are a fan of Motorhead or of any Rock genre at all, this book is worth seeking and owning, both for it’s Rock History and nostalgia.

MOTORHEAD – Front Cover

Please excuse the quality of the photos here, sometimes Metal is Old School and these photos exemplify that. Actually, the ambiance that these photos represent, is just how this Motorhead book feels to hold and read. As a quick closing to the earlier story, about my receiving this great Motorhead book as a Christmas gift from my late mother back in ’87: Whenever my buddies, relatives or just about anyone that would come over to our house back in the late ’80’s, they would usually be confronted by my asking them… wanna see my Motorhead book? It’s real cool…

MOTORHEAD – Back Cover

I truly thank my unreal, great mom for this fabulous Motorhead book. It has served me right.

What I’m Thankful For This Thanksgiving of 2009

Posted in 1950's rock and roll bands, 1958 rock and roll albums, 1980's heavy metal bands, 1980's heavy metal music, 1990's heavy metal bands, cool album covers, everyday people, everyday social experiences, family, family pets, feel good stories, heavy metal bands, heavy metal music, holidays, humor, life, life stories, lists, living, metal odyssey, Music, people, personal stories, punk rock music, rock & roll, rock and roll, rock music, sports with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 26, 2009 by Metal Odyssey

Happy Thanksgiving to all from Metal Odyssey. Yes, I will eat whatever the heck I feel like eating today, plus the quantity of food I eat is my own personal business too. To all the people who watch what other people eat and tell others how and what to eat… go eat rice cakes today and stare at yourselves in the mirror, you artificial and pompous fools.

I am thankful for:

My incredible wife and beautiful twin daughters… and our new cat toby.

My courageous and strong father.

My Mother and Father In-Law

Nonny

My sister and brother in-law and their two daughters. (And their dog too).

My Best Metal Buddy Scott and his fine family.

My sister is in Heaven and I am thankful for her son and daughter.

My mother is in Heaven too… I am thankful for all the love and memories.

My faith, God and all of the guardian angels who have worked overtime for me and my family.

For all my cousins, aunts and uncles who are the good ones. In other words, the ones who are not self absorbed in their own minds, non materialistic and know I still exist.

Good friends and helpful neighbors.

My country – The United States of America, The Land of the Free… I hope and pray it stays this way.

Armed Forces of The United States of America – these men and women in uniform protect us all every minute of every day.

Rock and Roll – especially Heavy Metal and all of it’s genres.

Punk Rock

Motorhead, Misfits, W.A.S.P. and Slayermy top four.

Lynyrd Skynyrd and their 2009 album – God & Guns

Cheap Trick and ELO

Anthony Bourdain and No Reservations

Ghost Hunters and Ghost Adventures

World Champion New York Yankees and the New York Giants

Planet Earth… the best and only planet we can all live on. If only we all could get along…

I’m very thankful for being introduced to this album by The Everly Brothers, (Don and Phil Everly), as a child. My mother had this album and it was my first introduction to the amazing world of Rock and Roll. This 1958 album was a true enjoyment and will forever be an unreal lifetime memory.

I’m extra thankful for being alive to be thankful for all of the above.


FOREIGNER – DEBUT ALBUM FROM 1977 STILL PULLS ME IN

Posted in 1970's classic rock albums, 1970's classic rock bands, 1970's classic rock songs, 1970's classic rock vocalists, 1970's hard rock bands, 1970's hard rock, 1970's Rock, 1970's rock music, 1980's classic rock bands, 1980's hard rock albums, 1980's rock music, 1980's hard rock, Album Review, classic hard rock music, classic rock, classic rock albums, classic rock bands, classic rock music, classic rock music 1977, classic rock songs, cool album covers, essential classic rock albums, essential classic rock songs, everyday social experiences, family, family pets, hard rock music, life, life stories, metal odyssey, Music, real life experiences, Rock, rock & roll, rock album review, rock and roll, rock music, rock music reviews, rock vocalists, vintage hard rock albums, vintage rock albums with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 17, 2009 by Metal Odyssey

Foreigner "Foreigner" small album picThe debut album by Foreigner, (self titled, released on March 8, 1977), was one of my first vinyl record albums that I ever owned. I actually bought the first Foreigner album shortly after receiving their Double Vision album as a birthday gift, back in 1979. (The Double Vision album was released on June 20, 1978). So it is safe to say, that the debut Foreigner album was playing on my turntable sometime in the Spring of 1979. Being an eighth grader in 1979, my exposure to Heavy Metal Music was at it’s most infant state, KISS was the only Heavy Metal Band I owned on album at this time. I always bring up my past history, as to the year of purchase of a said album and what bands I was into at the given time, so to make clarity to the evolvement of my becoming a Metalhead. It was a progression of listening to different Rock genres for me, since I was a kid. This Foreigner album is as integral a piece to that progression, as any other Rock album I ever listened to. Just as the Double Vision album, Foreigner’s debut album had me wanting more and that was a good symptom to have. There definitely was some psychological imbedding that happened to me with Foreigner at a young age, whenever I listen to their albums, (especially the first four), I feel like everything is alright.

What prompted me to blog about this Foreigner debut album is hearing the song Feels Like The First Time on the radio this past Sunday. My family and I just had to endure visiting a sad animal shelter that morning, (we are currently looking to adopt a cat), and all four of us were in quite the funk. I decided to bring my wife to a store that has 70% off of all their Christmas decor, what bargains were truly found – no kidding here. This stop to purchase Christmas decor was just the elixir of happy that my wife and daughters needed after a somber morning of seeing so many poor and sickly cats. My elixir of happy was hearing Foreigner on the store’s radio. As I have stated, Foreigner puts me on the – everything is alright trip. I actually felt my face give off a smile and get all flushed while I heard this Foreigner song. On the drive home from this store, I wished there was a Foreigner CD in the car… trust me, there has been many times.

This experience is just a fine example of how a band and their album can pull me right in… and take me back, while making my mood alright again. That is the magic of Rock and Roll, these are the benchmarks of an album and/or song that cannot be critiqued by lazy Rolling Stone Magazine writers who have not a clue. The personal memories and feelings that are stored within oneself, due to the impact from a Rock Band of any genre, their albums, an individual song or a concert experience from such band… money cannot buy, man. Listening to Foreigner’s debut again, reminds me as to why the Classic Rock genre exists. This album is a Rock Classic. Foreigner is in my Metal Odyssey Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Too bad that big, pompous building in Cleveland, Ohio, doesn’t get it.

I grin each time I stare at the front cover image of the band, on the Foreigner debut front cover. The first impression is – these are gentlemen. Hard Rock gentlemen, that is. The maturity that this front cover image evokes, also mirrors the maturity of the music heard from this Foreigner album. It wasn’t about boobs and beer, rebellion or political commentary, it was about quality Rock and Hard Rock songs. From the lyrics to each songs structure, Foreigner presented to the world a sophisticated, yet Hard edged sound, that could be radio friendly and street cool at the same time. Two of my favorite songs from Foreigner are not even considered to be hits at all. Headknocker and Starrider are two songs from this album that are individualistic and represent the two sides of Foreigner’s Rock style. Headknocker being the Hard Rock cranker and Starrider introducing Foreigner’s adoration for a more melodic, Rock ballad. I really like Starrider for it’s almost cosmic musical ambiance, the keyboards and chorus are what sets this song apart, for me. This is just me, yet it would be a kick to hear W.A.S.P. or Judas Priest cover Headknocker.

Long, Long Way From Home is without doubt, Lou Gramm singing at his very finest. Man, his vocals alone, makes this song resonate with powerful emotion. Cold As Ice will always be the hit staple from this Foreigner album… rightfully so. I would not argue that it is as important a Rock single as any from the 1970’s. Regardless of decades passing by, this Foreigner debut album is, yes, timeless. It may sound cliche, still those Rock and Hard Rock albums from days gone by, like this very album, need to be revisited and remembered for their Rock and Roll historical importance and sheer quality.

Foreigner "Foreigner" large album pic

A New Addition Is Coming To Our Family… A Cat

Posted in 1970's heavy metal music, 1980's heavy metal music, 1990's heavy metal music, animal adoptions, animal stories, cat adoptions, cat stories, classic rock, classic rock music, cool album covers, current heavy metal albums, essential heavy metal albums, essential rock albums, family, family pets, feel good stories, guitar legends, hard rock music, heavy metal albums, heavy metal bands, heavy metal music, hollywood stars, humor, life, life stories, living, metal odyssey, Music, people, personal stories, real life experiences, rock & roll, rock and roll, rock music, tattoo artists, true personal stories with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 15, 2009 by Metal Odyssey

MetalOdysseyToday, my wife, myself and twin daughters all decided on adopting a homeless cat. He already comes with a name… Del. Del has only one eye, the other is shut closed. He is currently living in a shelter and is in great health. The shelter he is in now rescued him from a “kill” shelter. The poor guy has also been de-clawed, yet that is alright, Del will be our house cat. Yup, Del will be able to have full reign of the house,  (within reason of course). Being a four year old cat, he probably has some stories to tell… if he could only talk. We pick up Del on Sunday, November 15th. Del is a silver tiger, with white and gray stripes. (No, he is not a real tiger). I and my family cannot wait to get this dude, he will fit right in for sure.

Over my lifetime, I have owned five different cats, they were all unique. So, I do know what to expect from having a cat around the house… the only adjustment is to identify and know Del’s personality, his likes and dislikes. Sure, it will take a short time to have Del really blend in with our home and we are really looking forward to having him. We all went out this afternoon to purchase the necessities of making Del’s life with us comfortable. Del needed a break in his life… he is going to experience it on Sunday. Now, with a cat arriving into a household that loves Heavy Metal Music, I could not help myself from compiling a list of Heavy Metal and Hard Rock bands, songs and album titles that reference cat or any association to a cat. Yeah, it’s a list… but trust me, it’s a kick:

KITTIE – This all female Heavy Metal Band just happens to be… my favorite all female Heavy Metal Band. (Girlschool is my second favorite all female Heavy Metal band, in case you were wondering). Morgan Lander, (guitar & lead vocals) and her sister Mercedes Lander, (drums), can do no wrong by me. Kittie’s new studio album, In The Black, was released on September 15, 2009.

Kittie "In The Black" large album pic

The Motor City Madman, aka, Ted Nugent, (who belongs in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame by the way), has the coolest catalog of albums that are for me, timeless. Cat Scratch Fever from 1977, is definitely one of my favorites.

Ted Nugent "Cat Scratch Fever" large album pic

I like Aerosmith. Especially 1970’s Aerosmith. Still, at the end of the Metal day, I cannot turn away from any Aerosmith album that has been created. I can’t help it, that is just the way it is. Yeah, I will listen to Aerosmith ballads too and I am no fan of ballads. Aerosmith’s album from 1997, Nine Lives, makes this list. Hey, say what you want… but this album went double platinum.

Aerosmith "Nine Lives" large album pic

Alright, alright already… I know that the Stray Cats are not Heavy Metal or even close to being a Hard Rock Band. However, I have always been receptive to their Rock and Roll since day one. Back in the ’80’s, well, I had a very large poster of the Stray Cats on my bedroom wall… right between AC/DC and Judas Priest… honestly. Brian Setzer is just a brilliant guitarist, in my Metal opinion. The Stray Cats… Rock.

Stray Cats "Rant N' Rave" large album pic

What would this cat list be without – Look What The Cat Dragged In by Poison?

Poison "Look What The Cat Dragged In" small album pic #2

Nashville Pussy. Now, that is one heavy hitting, no holes barred band if there ever was one. Hey, they are referring to a cat with this bands name, aren’t they?

Nashville Pussy "Say Something Nasty" large album pic

Tygers of Pan Tang. O.k., so they spell tiger differently, who gives a crap. It actually looks better spelt that way. Now, this is a Heavy Metal blast from the past, plus these guys are still around. Animal Instinct was released on May 19, 2008. Tygers of Pan Tang have had their lineup changes over the decades… how many Heavy Metal Bands haven’t? I admire this bands perseverance and their pretty good at what they do too.

Tygers Of Pan Tang "Animal Instinct" large album pic

Kat Von D. I know, she is not a musician… still, she has created some damn great Heavy Metal tattoos, on a truck load of Heavy Metal players. Kat Von D knows her Heavy Metal too, she lives it. Plus… watching L.A. Ink is light years more better, fun and informative than watching Larry King Live. I am steadfast about that… it is the truth. As a bonus, Kat Von D is better to look at than Larry King any night.

Kat Von D - large photo #1

Well, that is about it for this cat list. I could go on and on here… what would be the point? Enough is enough I say. This list has been long enough, heck, it takes time to compile such a list. I certainly hope all who visited and put up with the list portion had a good time. I will update on Metal Odyssey just how our new family cat – Del, adjusts to his new life with us. I make that Metal promise.

The Tampon Files: Three Short Stories About… Tampons

Posted in common complaints, embarrassing situations, everyday experiences, everyday people, everyday social experiences, family, funny stories, grocery store experiences, humor, humorous experiences, life, life stories, living, people, personal stories, points to ponder, real life experiences, social encounters, true personal stories with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 13, 2009 by Metal Odyssey

The Tampon Pimp

I am a dude. I am a Metalhead dude that loves his wife deeply. I will do anything for her. When feminine protection supplies are needed, um, tampons, I gladly go by myself to the grocery store to buy such products for my wife. I am over that crap of being embarrassed about buying this stuff – just because I am a man, uh, dude, doesn’t mean I have to ignore this fact of life. Heck, I used to load those cigar shaped ones into a wall canister at a company I once worked for… being a maintenance man is sometimes all encompassing. I used to get hollered at like crazy by women of all ages that worked in this company… there never was enough of those damned cigar tampons in the women’s rest room canister. Trust me, a group of these women went out of their way to bellow out loud that these supplies were out, they tried to disgrace and humiliate me… only they were the disgrace, based on their behavior, fowl language and actions.

I couldn’t keep up with the demand. How was this happening? I couldn’t believe how many of those things were being used, based on the number of women that were working at this company. Could each woman working in this building be having their period at the exact time? Impossible to think. Eventually, I did figure it out. Since the cigar tampons were free, yes free, well, the daily stock wound up being taken home in large quantities. Basically, the vast majority of the cigar tampons were stolen each day. Needless to say, I was the tampon pimp.

The Five Dollar Tampon Coupon

One day, this very week, I ventured into my neighborhood grocery store to pick up some necessities. Oh yes, one of those necessities was a box of cigar shaped tampons. Only this particular grocery trip was special… I had “earned” a five dollar coupon towards a name brand tampon, an “elite” brand too. I “earned” this fabulous coupon by being a loyal customer of this fine grocery store, you betcha. So, upon knowing obtaining this product was on “the list”, I was very excited to redeem this coupon towards an over priced box of “elite” cigar shaped tampons. The “elite” brand is a whopping eight dollars plus change – for a box of thirty six! Getting this “elite” box of feminine product for around three dollars, was sweet victory to my inner soul.

I only had six items or so in my arms, therefore choosing the “express” checkout at the grocery store seemed like a power move to me. No other customer was in front of me… easy pickings at the “express” checkout lane. Or so I thought. The cashier at this “express” checkout I am very familiar with, she always is very kind, courteous and quick with conversation. Not today. You see, I am a man and I am buying tampons. This normally stable and able cashier now was frazzled, anxious and muttering words that I could not easily comprehend. The result: a small “express” grocery order gone awry. Next thing I know, my five dollar tampon coupon would not get accepted by the “electric eye” of the scanner. Ouch. What happens next? You know, that grocery check out nightmare everyone thinks about, yet does not think it will happen to them.

“Coupon override on express” is announced worriedly by my cashier through the store speaker system. After waiting for at least five minutes, (five minutes!!!), a “head” cashier comes over to ask what is wrong. By now, a “line” has formed behind me, I am staring straight at a display of tic tacs and dreaming of better moments. The cashier states with a rather loud voice… “it won’t scan this tampon coupon.” Ouch. The “head” cashier inserted a “key” into the register, opened the register door, closed it, then punched in a “secret” code. These secret intelligence steps that the “head” cashier did made the situation better… my five dollar tampon coupon was now accepted! I never saw a cashier bag an order so fast in my life. I politely said thank you to all involved in helping me complete my mission, thus I calmly walked away with bags in hand.

Setting The Dinner Table With Feminine Napkins

I was most likely, around six years old when this story took place. A true story it is. My mother, (she is now in heaven), was busy as always, cleaning around the kitchen and making dinner for the family. I, being a six year old and wanting to help my mother in any way possible, asked her what I could possibly do for her at the moment. My mother said I could set the dinner table with napkins. Hey, what easier thing to do than set the dinner table with napkins? As a six year old, heck, that was right up my alley. So, I remember vividly, like it was last year… I went to the coat closet to obtain the napkins, from the very large box where they were stored. Unfortunately, these were not napkins for food. You see, as a six year old, I was reading to an extent and the word “napkins” was boldly scrolled across a very large box of feminine napkins that my mother always stored in this coat closet. Being just a toddler, I did not know the difference, a napkin was a napkin. I did set a large feminine napkin at each dinner placing… for all four in our family. Upon my mother discovering what I had done, all I can remember is she hugged me, she laughed, then she explained these were not the “correct” napkins. This was a story my mother and I shared in laughter for a lifetime.

In Summary

Two aspects of a woman that I most admire are: 1.) a woman can give birth, 2.) a woman can survive a dreadful period each month. A woman is strong, make no mistake about it. I have the most sincere respect for what a woman must go through when it comes to child labor and a monthly period. My sympathy and respect only grew by eons due to witnessing my wonderful wife give birth to our twin daughters. The only thing I can never comprehend or understand is… why on earth is a period referred to as “friend”? Knowing what I know now, that damn monthly visit to a woman should be referred to as “enemy”. Making light of the social experiences I have had in handling and purchasing the “tampon” is to try to make sense of it all. The “taboo” nature of a man speaking of or purchasing this female necessity has to eventually cease. It is not 1920 anymore.

MetalOdyssey

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