Archive for the humor Category

Creepy Crap I Have To See, While On My CD And Records Hunting Trips

Posted in antiques, halloween, humor, life with tags , , , , on October 27, 2015 by Metal Odyssey

Creepy Face Head - Antique Mall - 2015 - #MO330NMSS8

Above: WTF is this used for and why?

I find enormous pleasure in hunting for older records and CDs. My expeditions take me to antique malls, flea markets and second-hand stores on a frequent schedule. I very often come home empty-handed or with spending only a colossal five dollars or so. These past several years, I’ve found and purchased many exciting vinyl, CD and miscellaneous treasures that I’ll be boasting about on Metal Odyssey, as part of a consistent series of posts. I promise. Yes, it’s been too long since I have shared such cool stories.

In the meantime, I want to share with you via this post all the Creepy Crap I Have To See, While On My CD And Records Hunting Trips. It really sucks to witness such macabre objects that are lurking around corners of the establishments I patronize; many times I stand in awe at the creepy crap that people are trying to sell. On one recent trip, I decided to document this creepy crap through the lens of my iPhone.

WARNING: Some or all of the images that appear above and below may be unsuitable for people who take life way too seriously.

Creepy Mannequin - Antiques Mall - 2015

This mannequin gal looks like she needs a cigarette after a wild night of doing “the wild thing” and assorted narcotics many times over. WTF!?

Creepy Pumpkin Dude - Antiques Mall - 2015 - #MONMSSC33

Sorry if I find this pumpkin troll (thing) as creepy crap. I query: WTF is up with the stick it is holding? What does this pumpkin thing want to do with that stick?

Creepy nude mannequin - antiques mall - 2015 - #MO337099

Yup. This above photo speaks for itself. A nude and headless female mannequin. Wearing a hat. That is a super WTF!!! Needless to say, I did get a couple of disgusted looks from fellow shoppers, as I took this photo.

Creepy face - Antiques Mall - 2015 - #660699MO

This looks like it belongs on a fountain, due to its mouth? Hell, I don’t know. It’s creepy crap, okay? WTF.

Evil Jester Thing - Antiques Mall - 2015 - #MO6673399NMSS

Oh, look, a cute evil jester from grandma’s possessed attic!

headless thing - antiques mall - 2015 - #3306609MON

Looks like Cousin It had offspring. WTF!!

ABBA records - Antiques Mall - 2015 - #MO0000RB

Above is the creepiest crap on this entire post. Stumbling upon an ABBA Greatest Hits album is NO laughing matter. Shit, I was traumatized for at least fifteen minutes after taking this photo. Not cool and WTF.

__________________________

Stone - 2011 Photo #1

LONG LIVE CREEPY CRAP. I THINK.

Stone.

3 Comments »

DIGIPAKS STINK LIKE MONKEY POOP. HERE’S WHY…

Posted in classic rock, Hard Rock, humor, Music, news, rock music with tags , , , , , on October 20, 2015 by Metal Odyssey

Screen Shot 2015-10-19 at 11.21.37 PM

Below you will find the Top 10 Reasons Why Digipaks Stink Like Monkey Poop. Enjoy.

______________________________

  • Digipaks crease, ding and tear VERY EASILY, even with delicate handling.
  • Even before you buy the damn digipak version off the retail shelf, it’s already dinged, creased or torn. That’s bullshit.
  • Guess what happens while taking the plastic wrap off of a digipak? You ding it. That’s insane bullshit.
  • It takes patience and skill to get the damn CD and liner notes out of the digipak sleeve. After doing so, the cardboard sleeve is dinged from your fingernails; not to mention the liner notes took a nasty beating too.
  • Digipaks get CRUSHED when stacked underneath a pile of CD jewel cases. Hell, a couple of magazines can crush a digipak. Again, that’s bullshit.

This is NO laughing matter!!!

Laughing Monkey - promo pic - 2015 - #667MO66777MNSSC

  • A digipak has NO defense against any liquid. At least a CD jewel case has a freaking fighting chance in protecting the liner notes and CD itself. Trust me, I know ALL about that one.
  • If you wanted to bury your digipak in the ground, for safekeeping, the life expectancy of the cardboard is 4 weeks. That’s intense bullshit.
  • A damaged CD jewel case can be easily replaced. A damaged digipak stalks your music collection, like the uninvited pain-in-the-ass that nobody gives a shit about. Do not get alarmed, for the respective CD and liner notes will always find themselves a new home inside a spare and cozy… jewel case.
  • Just opening and closing a digipak automatically CREASES the spine; not to mention leaving visible fingerprints all over the cardboard. That is unreal bullshit.
  • Purchasing a used CD as a digipak version is never a fun moment. The digipak 99.9% of the time is so freaking mishandled, dinged and worn; not to mention the disease ridden bacteria that has probably been absorbed by the cardboard itself. Yay. Um, bullshit.

_____________________________

Special thanks for the inspiration of this post goes to Scott Coverdale.

MetalOdyssey

LONG LIVE CD JEWEL CASES.

LONG LIVE MONKEYS AND NOT THEIR POOP.

Stone.

Leave a comment »

Consummate Roastmaster Craig Gass To Stoke The Fires At Rock & Roll Roast Of Dee Snider

Posted in classic rock, comedians, comedy, hard rock news, Heavy Metal, humor, rock music, rock music news with tags , , , , , on January 22, 2013 by Metal Odyssey

Craig Gass PR - 2013 - #1

COMEDIAN & ACTOR CRAIG GASS SERVES IT UP AGAIN

Thursday January 24th – ROAST TO AIR COMPLETELY LIVE

CRAIG GASS Debut Album & DVD To Be Released This Spring – Coinciding With North American Tour

____________________________________________

(January 22, 2013 – Los Angeles)  The outrageously funny Artist/Comedian/Actor CRAIG GASS is pulling out his world-famous spicy rub for roasting Heavy Metal Icon and Celebrity Apprentice Dee Snider.   On January 24, Revolver and Guitar World are thrilled to present The Rock & Roll Roast of Dee Snider!

These two heavy-weight sponsors have teamed up with MusiCares and AXS TV to bring you the first roast to ever be broadcast LIVE on television (not pre-taped and bleeped), LIVE from the Grove of Anaheim with 2013 Honoree Dee Snider.  This great night of comedy, calamity, charity and chaos, including the comedic talent of GRAIG GASS, can’t be missed. The Roast will feature: Legendary Roastmaster Penn Jillette, and a celebrity dais including; Zakk Wylde, Jim Norton, Lita Ford, Eddie Trunk, Scott Ian, Jim Florentine, Craig Gass & Mick Foley. More importantly, a portion of the proceeds from The Rock & Roll Roast of Dee Snider will go to charity.

GASS, who also famously roasted Gene Simmons a few years back, has played memorable characters on such TV shows as Sex and The City, Law and Order, King of Queens and Gene Simmons Family Jewels, and most recently has been doing voice over work on the shows Family Guy, American Dad and The Cleveland. GASS began performing stand-up comedy in 1993. His dead-on impressions caught the attention of two icons of the entertainment community, Howard Stern and George Carlin. Carlin took the young comedian under his wing and GASS’ idol quickly became his mentor.

The pathway to impressions and stand-up comedy appears to be GASS’ destiny from the very beginning. Growing up in a family that was completely deaf, GASS learned to speak from TV. His debut comedy album/DVD is due out later this spring on Oglio Records and will coincide with a North American tour.  Early dates include January 25 & 26 in Dallas at the AT&T Performing Arts Center as well as March 29 in Toronto at the Panasonic Theatre.

For more information on the Roast, please visit: www.rockandrollroast.com

_______________________________________________

(Source: MAD Ink, PR)

Stone - Motorhead Tee pic:small

LONG LIVE CRAIG GASS.

LONG LIVE DEE SNIDER.

Stone.

Leave a comment »

Ten Very Uncool Hard Rock And Heavy Metal Album Covers Part III

Posted in classic rock, Hard Rock, Heavy Metal, humor, metal music, metal odyssey, Music, rock and roll, rock music, rock music news with tags , , , , , , , , , , on December 12, 2010 by Metal Odyssey

LOOK WHOSE COMING OVER FOR CHRISTMAS.

UNCOOL – Once again, I’m back at it again… for a third installment of “Ten Very Uncool Hard Rock And Heavy Metal Album Covers”. Why do I embark on such a Metal task you query? Due to the fact that I admire and uphold the album covers that have stood the test of time: All Iron Maiden album covers along with Molly Hatchet, Motorhead, Asia, Boston, Lääz Rockit, Overkill, Avenged Sevenfold, King Diamond and of course, DIO, have all had astounding artwork and graphics to represent their prodigious music over the decades.

Why can many bands and solo artists have their image and music dutifully represented by their album covers, while many others are packaged by their artwork and imagery like a stale can of inedible baked beans? We now live in the age of “the mp3”, where album cover artwork is for all intents and purposes, non-essential to the mp3 consumer. That is a Metal shame. All of us “Old Schoolers” know the importance of the beloved album cover and realize the album art more often than not parallels the songs heard within.

Try taking a walk through the CD aisles (or aisle) of Best Buy or browse around the internet music websites… you’ll find it is nearly 50/50 as to the cool/uncool ratio of album covers out there. This remarkable cool versus uncool album cover fiasco has been going on for decades, since the very beginning of Rock ‘N’ Roll itself! I don’t try to advertise myself on being “The Hard Rock and Heavy Metal Album Cover Authority”, still, I hopefully know how to decipher the uncool from cool after all my Metal lovin’ years.

Enjoy this list, become informed, gain knowledge and above all… if you happen to purchase one of these CD’s in the near future, just cover it over with “something” at the checkout, so other customers don’t witness your purchase. In the event you purchase one of these CD’s via mail, you are safe, no one will know you bought a CD with an uncool cover, just the dude who packaged it for shipping will know. If you become annoyed by this “Part III” list, well, you must like uncool Hard Rock and Heavy Metal album covers then.

* An uncool album cover does not necessarily mean that the respective band and the music heard on the album is uncool as well. If the album is a total stinker with it’s product of music, I would warn the world. Without further delay, here is the non-prestigious list of Ten Very Uncool Hard Rock & Heavy Metal Album Covers Part III:

Foreigner – No End In Sight: The Very Best Of Foreigner (2008)

Bon Jovi and Nickelback have made prior uncool album cover lists here at Metal Odyssey for the same stale reason: a boring image of a… highway. What is it about highways and album covers? Why do these desolate paths of macadam/dirty asphalt keep popping up? I don’t care about the album title being “linked” with an image of this highway either. Highways are daunting, lonely and filled with road rage, therefore, highways are stressful. There really is “no end in sight” to the amount of times bands wind up with highways on their album covers. You’d think that after all these decades, Foreigner would want to have a cool album cover representing their legendary songs.

Nickelback – All The Right Reasons (2005)

Hey… look who’s back! It’s Nickelback! For a second time with another “uncool album cover induction” with All The Right Reasons. This marks the second album cover from Nickelback with a highway on it! I can think of a million reasons as to why this album cover is uncool and BORING, here is one: Regardless of the year and make of the automobile shown in the picture, this album cover is nothing more than an auto dealership brochure cover.

30 Seconds To Mars – Self Titled/Debut (2002)

? Doh!

Saving Abel – Self Titled/Debut (2008)

This day and age, I don’t know if I’m looking at a guy or a girl butt here. So, with all the confusion, this album cover is… uncool. For “me” it is anyways. Plus, how many more times do we need the “butt in tight jeans, staring at you in the face” album cover? An exceedingly overdone “theme”.

Bon Jovi – Cross Road (1994)

Just another Bon Jovi “Greatest Hits”. Wow, so compellingly Rockin’… Jon Bon Jovi and his band sitting around in a diner and doing nuthin’. OMG… that is so cool! Yeah, right. In reality, this band would never be caught in a blue collar diner… more like a 10 star, caviar serving, white linen restaurant on Rodeo Drive is more like it. Stone isn’t getting fooled. As an uncool bonus, this photo of the band is washed out and blurry. This photo would receive an “F” grade, back in my photography 101 class in college. This album cover makes Bon Jovi’s “second appearance” on a Metal Odyssey “uncool album cover” list. Congratulations Bon Jovi!

Collective Soul – Afterwords (2007)

Just embarrassing, really. Where is the slight or even remote imagery of “Rock” involved here within this album cover? This is more better suited as a Martha Stewart Living magazine cover. Metal be thy name.

Pearl Jam – Pearl Jam (2006)

I don’t care how many albums were sold of this Pearl Jam release… this is a perfect example of over thinking what your album cover should look like and convey. Trying to go for the “it’s over their heads” mentality doesn’t work for me either, with this album cover. It’s not over Stone’s head, this cover is just 100% uncool. This style of photography and art worked extremely well for Pink Floyd, a legendary band that knew what legendary album covers should look like. Most recently, Pearl Jam is into cartoons on their album cover with Backspacer… go figure.

Judas Priest – Point Of Entry (1981)

Since the day I first bought this Judas Priest album on vinyl, (probably around 1982/83), up until today, this cover just falls flat for me. I absolutely LOVE this album and Judas Priest is a core band for my Metal lovin’ soul. Do I feel guilty then, that I’m choosing a Judas Priest album cover for an “uncool list”? Nope. This “original” album cover for Point Of Entry is so super bland, that it will be forever filed under: What were they thinking? The super scary part about this album cover, is the blue printer paper that stretches on for miles, actually simulates a… highway!!! Even the ultra-legendary Judas Priest dabbled in the highway theme for an album cover! It probably cost $50 in U.S. funds to create this album cover too.

Dokken – Under Lock And Key (1985)

First, Under Lock And Key is a Dokken album that potently Rocks like there is no tomorrow. No, it’s not the hair or fashion that is uncool here. These styles are still utilized by many bands today. This image was an identity to a grand decade of 80’s Hard Rock and Heavy Metal. Instead, what makes this Dokken album cover so uncool is that gigantic, cardboard key. That key ruined it. Minus that key, this album cover never comes up in an uncool album cover conversation. Who was behind this idea? That oversized, concocted, cardboard key would have served better inside a middle school lobby, with the words scrawled upon it: Unlock the key to your child’s education.

Christmas In Your Ear – (Release date unknown and who cares)

Gee Metal whiz, this compilation of Christmas songs, covered by some of the most popular names in Rock history, has not only an uncool album cover, it has an annoyingly uncool album title! Christmas In Your Ear. (!) Metal be thy name. The next uncool thing I’ll uncover will be a cookbook titled: Christmas In Your Stomach. What’s up with the raging serial killer’s face in the Christmas tree ornament? Talk about issues… that dude needs some anger management treatment fast. I could understand the album cover, only if it contained Death Metal bands covering Christmas songs. With the likes of Billy Squire, Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Smithereens and Pat Benatar, etc. on this CD, the cover does NOT fit the contents of what you’ll be listening to. Simply put, an embarrassing album cover and title. I think I’ll change the name of this blog now to: Metal Odyssey In Your Eyes.

METAL BE THY NAME.

LONG LIVE HARD ROCK & HEAVY METAL.

Stone.

7 Comments »

Turkey Fart Public Awareness Announcement From Metal Odyssey

Posted in current events, current news, family, feel good stories, food, holidays, humor, rock music, travel with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 23, 2010 by Metal Odyssey

CAUTION: Turkey Farts are an extreme public safety concern, when inhaled in a confined living room, with no air circulation, amongst a large gathering of relatives, friends and/or total strangers that ate like famished farm goats on Thanksgiving Day. Do not light a match or lighter in this extreme situation either, Turkey Farts are incredibly flammable. Any door marked “bathroom” within a Thanksgiving feast setting should also be avoided… unless you are equipped with a certified industrial gas mask.

* LOWER DWELLING EVACUATION PROCEDURES:

*NEVER move to a higher level of the house/apartment to escape a Turkey Fart… as with all nasty farts, they are fueled by excessive heat which only makes them rise farther into the air. Survivors of Turkey Fart inhalation will tell you, move to lower ground and make certain you bring enough beer with you. Beer Farts are not known to be as toxic as a Turkey Fart, therefore, the Beer Fart is the lesser of two evils.

* NOTE: You can escape a Turkey Fart by going outside; only the NFL games, assorted pastry, party platters, cheese, crackers and refreshments are all readily available… inside your own/hosts dwelling. Also, it is not far fetched to walk/run into an invading “Turkey Fart Thunder Cloud” from another neighborhood dwelling that is engulfing an entire street or city block… that is a whole other Turkey Fart nightmare for another day. Instead, be wise and refer back to  “lower dwelling evacuation procedures.”

* WARNING SIGNS OF POTENTIAL TURKEY FART OUTBURSTS:

In the extreme event you begin to hear a relative/friend/stranger utter: “gobble, gobble”, they are experiencing what is known as Turkey Fart hallucination. Get as far away from this person as you can! This is a tell tale sign that this Turkey glutton has eaten more turkey than their body can handle, resulting in toxic Turkey Fart emissions.

* Stay clear from any relative or immediate family member who exclaims upon finishing their Thanksgiving meal: “gosh, all I want to do right about now is lie down.” This person is a carrier of  Turkey Fart fever! Within 2 to 4 minutes, this dangerous individual will be letting loose Turkey Farts so potent and bizarre, you will wish you were standing in the middle of the Arctic Circle… with some cold beer and Black Metal blasting, of course.

Keep it safe this Thanksgiving and beware of Turkey Farts.

If you or someone you know, is a Turkey Fart inhalation survivor, please feel free to comment about it. Letting your story be heard, is the first step towards defeating your Turkey Fart anxiety.

Stone.

4 Comments »

AGGRAVATION FILE: OPENING A SEALED CD JEWEL CASE

Posted in classic rock, classic rock music, hard rock music, Heavy Metal, heavy metal music, humor, metal odyssey, Music, personal stories, rock 'n' roll, rock and roll, rock music, rock music news with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on July 31, 2010 by Metal Odyssey

AGGRAVATION FILE: I most certainly am not alone, when I grumble and whine about opening a sealed CD jewel case. When I buy a new CD at whatever store, I’m usually psyched out of my Metal mind once I get to my car. Why am I psyched out of my Metal mind you query? For I want to hear the new CD that I just bought! It’s what I call: being self-psyched about having new tunes for my ears euphoria. However, that euphoria soon becomes… aggravation once I try to take off the CD plastic wrap.

As I sit in my car and begin the task of peeling off the plastic wrap, I realize my utility knife is needed, as always. That’s right. I need to use a damn utility knife just to get the plastic wrap off the CD! For some reason or another, some bright engineer somewhere, decided that shrink wrapping CD’s was cool and/or ingenious. Not for Stone. Once I get the shrink wrap off my new CD, it’s not over. Oh, no… not by a Metal long-shot. The evil sticker strip seal is still on the jewel case… and it needs to come off as well in order to access the CD.

I could easily just dislocate this jewel case at it’s hinges and basically tear it apart to get the CD out. That’s not cool though, I like to keep my CD collection in mint shape, so destroying a jewel case is an irrational and moronic action to take. The sticker strip seal is meant to prevent shoplifting of CD’s, it’s a necessary evil, I do understand. Still, does the manufacturing process really call for using super glue when adhering these sticker strip seals to jewel cases? Give me a Metal break.

As I am fighting, cursing and moving about strangely in my car, trying valiantly to remove the super glued, sticker strip seal from my new CD jewel case, people that walk by my car, in the parking lot, look over at me with either alarm or disgust on their faces. For real. What in Metal creation do these strangers think I am doing? Sometimes I have to actually abort my mission and wait for these nosey strangers to move on. I am just trying to open up my new CD… it’s not an act of felony for Metal sakes!

Once I do succeed at getting this sealed sticker strip off, there always remains… the sticker strip… residue. Ew. Sometimes there is more of this residue sticking to the jewel case than I could ever imagine. It’s sticky and it’s gross. No one knows, exactly how much Goo Gone I go through in a calendar year, due to sticker strip seal residue. Metal be damned. My most recent CD purchase was Avenged Sevenfold – Nightmare… and it was a nightmare trying to peel off that F’n sticker strip. It’s not funny, especially when it’s the new A7X CD that I so desperately need to ingest.

Many may think that this is silly crap that I’m aggravated over. It’s not that silly when you spend five minutes or more picking away at this sticker strip and beads of sweat begin to swell on my forehead. Now I know why I feel so stress-free when I make a purchase on itunes… no damned sealed sticker strip, to hold me hostage from the Metal I need to hear.

GO TO HELL SEALED STICKER STRIPS ON CD’S

Stone.

16 Comments »

TEN VERY UNCOOL HARD ROCK & HEAVY METAL ALBUM COVERS

Posted in album covers, Hard Rock, hard rock albums, hard rock bands, hard rock music, Heavy Metal, heavy metal albums, heavy metal bands, heavy metal music, humor, lists, metal odyssey, Music, rock & roll, rock 'n' roll, rock and roll, rock music with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 1, 2010 by Metal Odyssey

I don’t advertise myself to be an “expert” in Hard Rock and Heavy Metal album cover design. Nor am I a photography expert either. What I do know is this… a Hard Rock or Heavy Metal album cover should entice fans or potential fans to buy the album. Skulls, flames, guitars, dragons, sword & sorcery, space aliens, monsters and the macabre is right up my Metal alley when it comes to album covers. You won’t find this cool stuff on the album covers below. Marketing Hard Rock and Heavy Metal should be simple, right? Well, that is not always the Metal case, as you shall see from the following list of ten very uncool album covers that I have compiled… just for you.

Years ago, I did earn a degree in Graphic Communications, therefore I think I know what cool Hard Rock and Heavy Metal album artwork is supposed to look like. Then again, what do I know? Some, if not many of the albums in this top ten list have probably sold millions of copies worldwide… so my opinion on these very uncool album covers is probably one big and smelly fart in the wind anyways.

Here are my Top Ten Very Uncool Hard Rock & Heavy Metal Album Covers, enjoy! Or, try to enjoy.

#10:

WHITE LION – BIG GAME (1989)

What this White Lion album cover really is… too many ideas that seemed to collide onto one front cover. You have The White House, some woods, a field and a lion. Wow… very compelling… where is there any darned hint of Hard Rock? Forget about any imagery of Heavy Metal… this entire image makes me want to fall asleep in a field somewhere. This album went Gold too… gee Metal whiz.

#9:

BREAKING BENJAMIN – SO COLD EP (2004)

Look, if I was to actually read all the jibber jabber on this Breaking Benjamin front cover, It would give me a migraine headache . The album cover eludes to So Cold being a “spoken word” EP for Metal sakes. I always thought tons of text was supposed to be found in the damned liner notes anyways. Despite this being an EP, it makes my list… so Metal be it.

#8:

MR. BIG – BUMP AHEAD (1993)

Ha, ha, hee. Was I supposed to laugh? Ahhhhhhh! Am I supposed to be frightened? What is this enormous man-head doing in the middle of a busy city street? Just another fine example of a genius and artsy idea gone astray. I can’t find any hidden and profound message in this album cover art either. Some linkage to Mr. Big being tied into Hard Rock and commercial Heavy Metal would have helped here.

#7:

BON JOVI – LOST HIGHWAY (2007)

Gosh, just what I need to look at… some strangers cluttered dashboard. No semblance of Rock ‘N’ Roll in this front cover pic. Lost Highway is a perfect title for this Bon Jovi album… for the art direction became totally lost in the creation of this album cover. Plus, as a bonus… it is IMPOSSIBLE for a highway to become lost! Grammatically incorrect alert!! Yeah, yeah, yeah… Bon Jovi gets the last laugh here, due to his selling a million albums a month. This cover still stinks though.

#6:

SAXON – INNOCENCE IS NO EXCUSE (1985)

What appears to be a teenaged girl eating an apple… well, it’s not cool. What’s the point? It’s NOT Heavy Metal either. Adding the Saxon logo that’s carved into the apple is just plain ridiculous too. This Saxon album cover does not advertise head banging music heard within at all. A superiorly unimpressive album cover from a band that I really, really like… what a Metal shame.

#5:

VIXEN – LIVE & LEARN (2006)

Whoa! This Vixen album cover just SCREAMS Heavy Metal! Look out! Vixen looks so thrilled doing this cover shot too. Sorry, I don’t buy the connection of the front cover photo to the album title either. This album cover is simply boring and boring again. Did I mention it was boring?

#4:

KILLER DWARFS – BIG DEAL (1988)

Um, uh, yup.

#3:

NICKELBACK – CURB (2002 reissue alternate cover)

Well, at least we now know where Bon Jovi got his inspiration for the anti-amazing Lost Highway album cover. If I am not mistaken, this road really needs some traffic… and Curb really needs a new album cover.

#2:

GUNS N’ ROSES – “THE SPAGHETTI INCIDENT?” (1993)

This Guns N’ Roses album cover does not make me yearn for opening and eating a can of Spaghettio’s. I actually lose my appetite for half a day each time I stare at this album cover. I’d rather look at any and all of the Cannibal Corpse album covers before I look at this disgustingly stale spaghetti on this album cover. Again, I am so wowed at the Hard Rock and Heavy Metal imagery found here.

#1:

AEROSMITH – GET A GRIP (1993)

Voila! Here it is! What I consider to be the upmost in uncool… an F’n pierced cow udder. This is so Rock ‘N’ Roll. NOT. The fake Aerosmith branding into the side of this cow only makes matters worse. What were everyone involved with creating this album cover thinking? Yeah… just as the album title states, the culprits involved in the decision making of this extremely uncool album cover should… get a grip.

Stone.

15 Comments »

BLIZZARD OF 2010 – PART TWO!

Posted in current news, greenhouse climate, greenhouse effect, heavy metal music, humor, metal odyssey, people, politicians, politics, weather, weather news with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 25, 2010 by Metal Odyssey

What gives with all the snow falling down in the Mid-Atlantic States this year? The New England States too. Hey, Al Gore… where are your speeches on global warming lately? Uh… Al, Pennsylvania is awaiting it’s SECOND BLIZZARD of February 2010! That is TWO BLIZZARD’S in one month… see what happens once the temperature begins to rise! Greenhouse effect? Um, try freezer effect. Or, try something better than that… it’s the good ol’ North Atlantic Oscillation, (NAO), and/or the same damned historical pattern of weather that has been happening in the Mid-Atlantic and New England States for centuries. Oh, Al, we poor people, you know, (the people who can’t afford those green cars that only politicians, spoiled major league athletes and celebrities can afford), well, we know a blizzard when one hits us. Gee whiz, I really could use a lecture on greenhouse gases and how hot the climate is right about now. I could use a hearty laugh.

Hey Al, what do BLIZZARDS and HEAVY METAL have in common? Neither one YOU can prevent or ban! Try censoring a BLIZZARD… nice try. Put a parental advisory sticker on a BLIZZARD? Nope. I’ll handle this second BLIZZARD by turning up my heat and running up my electric bill… then kick back and listen to Metal Music… LOUD. I’ll then shovel my family and I out once this BLIZZARD passes by… should I wear a thong when I do shovel the snow? It is supposed to be so hot outside with all of this climate change happening, isn’t it?

This great album cover from Savatage sums it up best, when describing the Winter weather that has taken it’s toll on the Mid-Atlantic States in 2010.

2 Comments »

What I’m Thankful For This Thanksgiving of 2009

Posted in 1950's rock and roll bands, 1958 rock and roll albums, 1980's heavy metal bands, 1980's heavy metal music, 1990's heavy metal bands, cool album covers, everyday people, everyday social experiences, family, family pets, feel good stories, heavy metal bands, heavy metal music, holidays, humor, life, life stories, lists, living, metal odyssey, Music, people, personal stories, punk rock music, rock & roll, rock and roll, rock music, sports with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 26, 2009 by Metal Odyssey

Happy Thanksgiving to all from Metal Odyssey. Yes, I will eat whatever the heck I feel like eating today, plus the quantity of food I eat is my own personal business too. To all the people who watch what other people eat and tell others how and what to eat… go eat rice cakes today and stare at yourselves in the mirror, you artificial and pompous fools.

I am thankful for:

My incredible wife and beautiful twin daughters… and our new cat toby.

My courageous and strong father.

My Mother and Father In-Law

Nonny

My sister and brother in-law and their two daughters. (And their dog too).

My Best Metal Buddy Scott and his fine family.

My sister is in Heaven and I am thankful for her son and daughter.

My mother is in Heaven too… I am thankful for all the love and memories.

My faith, God and all of the guardian angels who have worked overtime for me and my family.

For all my cousins, aunts and uncles who are the good ones. In other words, the ones who are not self absorbed in their own minds, non materialistic and know I still exist.

Good friends and helpful neighbors.

My country – The United States of America, The Land of the Free… I hope and pray it stays this way.

Armed Forces of The United States of America – these men and women in uniform protect us all every minute of every day.

Rock and Roll – especially Heavy Metal and all of it’s genres.

Punk Rock

Motorhead, Misfits, W.A.S.P. and Slayer… my top four.

Lynyrd Skynyrd and their 2009 album – God & Guns

Cheap Trick and ELO

Anthony Bourdain and No Reservations

Ghost Hunters and Ghost Adventures

World Champion New York Yankees and the New York Giants

Planet Earth… the best and only planet we can all live on. If only we all could get along…

I’m very thankful for being introduced to this album by The Everly Brothers, (Don and Phil Everly), as a child. My mother had this album and it was my first introduction to the amazing world of Rock and Roll. This 1958 album was a true enjoyment and will forever be an unreal lifetime memory.

I’m extra thankful for being alive to be thankful for all of the above.


Leave a comment »

A New Addition Is Coming To Our Family… A Cat

Posted in 1970's heavy metal music, 1980's heavy metal music, 1990's heavy metal music, animal adoptions, animal stories, cat adoptions, cat stories, classic rock, classic rock music, cool album covers, current heavy metal albums, essential heavy metal albums, essential rock albums, family, family pets, feel good stories, guitar legends, hard rock music, heavy metal albums, heavy metal bands, heavy metal music, hollywood stars, humor, life, life stories, living, metal odyssey, Music, people, personal stories, real life experiences, rock & roll, rock and roll, rock music, tattoo artists, true personal stories with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 15, 2009 by Metal Odyssey

MetalOdysseyToday, my wife, myself and twin daughters all decided on adopting a homeless cat. He already comes with a name… Del. Del has only one eye, the other is shut closed. He is currently living in a shelter and is in great health. The shelter he is in now rescued him from a “kill” shelter. The poor guy has also been de-clawed, yet that is alright, Del will be our house cat. Yup, Del will be able to have full reign of the house,  (within reason of course). Being a four year old cat, he probably has some stories to tell… if he could only talk. We pick up Del on Sunday, November 15th. Del is a silver tiger, with white and gray stripes. (No, he is not a real tiger). I and my family cannot wait to get this dude, he will fit right in for sure.

Over my lifetime, I have owned five different cats, they were all unique. So, I do know what to expect from having a cat around the house… the only adjustment is to identify and know Del’s personality, his likes and dislikes. Sure, it will take a short time to have Del really blend in with our home and we are really looking forward to having him. We all went out this afternoon to purchase the necessities of making Del’s life with us comfortable. Del needed a break in his life… he is going to experience it on Sunday. Now, with a cat arriving into a household that loves Heavy Metal Music, I could not help myself from compiling a list of Heavy Metal and Hard Rock bands, songs and album titles that reference cat or any association to a cat. Yeah, it’s a list… but trust me, it’s a kick:

KITTIE – This all female Heavy Metal Band just happens to be… my favorite all female Heavy Metal Band. (Girlschool is my second favorite all female Heavy Metal band, in case you were wondering). Morgan Lander, (guitar & lead vocals) and her sister Mercedes Lander, (drums), can do no wrong by me. Kittie’s new studio album, In The Black, was released on September 15, 2009.

Kittie "In The Black" large album pic

The Motor City Madman, aka, Ted Nugent, (who belongs in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame by the way), has the coolest catalog of albums that are for me, timeless. Cat Scratch Fever from 1977, is definitely one of my favorites.

Ted Nugent "Cat Scratch Fever" large album pic

I like Aerosmith. Especially 1970’s Aerosmith. Still, at the end of the Metal day, I cannot turn away from any Aerosmith album that has been created. I can’t help it, that is just the way it is. Yeah, I will listen to Aerosmith ballads too and I am no fan of ballads. Aerosmith’s album from 1997, Nine Lives, makes this list. Hey, say what you want… but this album went double platinum.

Aerosmith "Nine Lives" large album pic

Alright, alright already… I know that the Stray Cats are not Heavy Metal or even close to being a Hard Rock Band. However, I have always been receptive to their Rock and Roll since day one. Back in the ’80’s, well, I had a very large poster of the Stray Cats on my bedroom wall… right between AC/DC and Judas Priest… honestly. Brian Setzer is just a brilliant guitarist, in my Metal opinion. The Stray Cats… Rock.

Stray Cats "Rant N' Rave" large album pic

What would this cat list be without – Look What The Cat Dragged In by Poison?

Poison "Look What The Cat Dragged In" small album pic #2

Nashville Pussy. Now, that is one heavy hitting, no holes barred band if there ever was one. Hey, they are referring to a cat with this bands name, aren’t they?

Nashville Pussy "Say Something Nasty" large album pic

Tygers of Pan Tang. O.k., so they spell tiger differently, who gives a crap. It actually looks better spelt that way. Now, this is a Heavy Metal blast from the past, plus these guys are still around. Animal Instinct was released on May 19, 2008. Tygers of Pan Tang have had their lineup changes over the decades… how many Heavy Metal Bands haven’t? I admire this bands perseverance and their pretty good at what they do too.

Tygers Of Pan Tang "Animal Instinct" large album pic

Kat Von D. I know, she is not a musician… still, she has created some damn great Heavy Metal tattoos, on a truck load of Heavy Metal players. Kat Von D knows her Heavy Metal too, she lives it. Plus… watching L.A. Ink is light years more better, fun and informative than watching Larry King Live. I am steadfast about that… it is the truth. As a bonus, Kat Von D is better to look at than Larry King any night.

Kat Von D - large photo #1

Well, that is about it for this cat list. I could go on and on here… what would be the point? Enough is enough I say. This list has been long enough, heck, it takes time to compile such a list. I certainly hope all who visited and put up with the list portion had a good time. I will update on Metal Odyssey just how our new family cat – Del, adjusts to his new life with us. I make that Metal promise.

3 Comments »

The Tampon Files: Three Short Stories About… Tampons

Posted in common complaints, embarrassing situations, everyday experiences, everyday people, everyday social experiences, family, funny stories, grocery store experiences, humor, humorous experiences, life, life stories, living, people, personal stories, points to ponder, real life experiences, social encounters, true personal stories with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 13, 2009 by Metal Odyssey

The Tampon Pimp

I am a dude. I am a Metalhead dude that loves his wife deeply. I will do anything for her. When feminine protection supplies are needed, um, tampons, I gladly go by myself to the grocery store to buy such products for my wife. I am over that crap of being embarrassed about buying this stuff – just because I am a man, uh, dude, doesn’t mean I have to ignore this fact of life. Heck, I used to load those cigar shaped ones into a wall canister at a company I once worked for… being a maintenance man is sometimes all encompassing. I used to get hollered at like crazy by women of all ages that worked in this company… there never was enough of those damned cigar tampons in the women’s rest room canister. Trust me, a group of these women went out of their way to bellow out loud that these supplies were out, they tried to disgrace and humiliate me… only they were the disgrace, based on their behavior, fowl language and actions.

I couldn’t keep up with the demand. How was this happening? I couldn’t believe how many of those things were being used, based on the number of women that were working at this company. Could each woman working in this building be having their period at the exact time? Impossible to think. Eventually, I did figure it out. Since the cigar tampons were free, yes free, well, the daily stock wound up being taken home in large quantities. Basically, the vast majority of the cigar tampons were stolen each day. Needless to say, I was the tampon pimp.

The Five Dollar Tampon Coupon

One day, this very week, I ventured into my neighborhood grocery store to pick up some necessities. Oh yes, one of those necessities was a box of cigar shaped tampons. Only this particular grocery trip was special… I had “earned” a five dollar coupon towards a name brand tampon, an “elite” brand too. I “earned” this fabulous coupon by being a loyal customer of this fine grocery store, you betcha. So, upon knowing obtaining this product was on “the list”, I was very excited to redeem this coupon towards an over priced box of “elite” cigar shaped tampons. The “elite” brand is a whopping eight dollars plus change – for a box of thirty six! Getting this “elite” box of feminine product for around three dollars, was sweet victory to my inner soul.

I only had six items or so in my arms, therefore choosing the “express” checkout at the grocery store seemed like a power move to me. No other customer was in front of me… easy pickings at the “express” checkout lane. Or so I thought. The cashier at this “express” checkout I am very familiar with, she always is very kind, courteous and quick with conversation. Not today. You see, I am a man and I am buying tampons. This normally stable and able cashier now was frazzled, anxious and muttering words that I could not easily comprehend. The result: a small “express” grocery order gone awry. Next thing I know, my five dollar tampon coupon would not get accepted by the “electric eye” of the scanner. Ouch. What happens next? You know, that grocery check out nightmare everyone thinks about, yet does not think it will happen to them.

“Coupon override on express” is announced worriedly by my cashier through the store speaker system. After waiting for at least five minutes, (five minutes!!!), a “head” cashier comes over to ask what is wrong. By now, a “line” has formed behind me, I am staring straight at a display of tic tacs and dreaming of better moments. The cashier states with a rather loud voice… “it won’t scan this tampon coupon.” Ouch. The “head” cashier inserted a “key” into the register, opened the register door, closed it, then punched in a “secret” code. These secret intelligence steps that the “head” cashier did made the situation better… my five dollar tampon coupon was now accepted! I never saw a cashier bag an order so fast in my life. I politely said thank you to all involved in helping me complete my mission, thus I calmly walked away with bags in hand.

Setting The Dinner Table With Feminine Napkins

I was most likely, around six years old when this story took place. A true story it is. My mother, (she is now in heaven), was busy as always, cleaning around the kitchen and making dinner for the family. I, being a six year old and wanting to help my mother in any way possible, asked her what I could possibly do for her at the moment. My mother said I could set the dinner table with napkins. Hey, what easier thing to do than set the dinner table with napkins? As a six year old, heck, that was right up my alley. So, I remember vividly, like it was last year… I went to the coat closet to obtain the napkins, from the very large box where they were stored. Unfortunately, these were not napkins for food. You see, as a six year old, I was reading to an extent and the word “napkins” was boldly scrolled across a very large box of feminine napkins that my mother always stored in this coat closet. Being just a toddler, I did not know the difference, a napkin was a napkin. I did set a large feminine napkin at each dinner placing… for all four in our family. Upon my mother discovering what I had done, all I can remember is she hugged me, she laughed, then she explained these were not the “correct” napkins. This was a story my mother and I shared in laughter for a lifetime.

In Summary

Two aspects of a woman that I most admire are: 1.) a woman can give birth, 2.) a woman can survive a dreadful period each month. A woman is strong, make no mistake about it. I have the most sincere respect for what a woman must go through when it comes to child labor and a monthly period. My sympathy and respect only grew by eons due to witnessing my wonderful wife give birth to our twin daughters. The only thing I can never comprehend or understand is… why on earth is a period referred to as “friend”? Knowing what I know now, that damn monthly visit to a woman should be referred to as “enemy”. Making light of the social experiences I have had in handling and purchasing the “tampon” is to try to make sense of it all. The “taboo” nature of a man speaking of or purchasing this female necessity has to eventually cease. It is not 1920 anymore.

MetalOdyssey

Leave a comment »

%d bloggers like this: