Ah, Lita Ford. Reflecting on the 1980’s would not be quite the same without her being in the Heavy Metal world. Lita Ford proved back in those glorious ’80’s that she was more than just eye candy, she really did shred on the guitar for her albums. Plus, Lita Ford’s vocals always had the harmonic, Heavy Metal diva flare happening. Lita Ford even did a very sappy duet with Ozzy Osbourne, Close My Eyes Forever, that I honestly could never stomach back in 1989 and my opinion has not wavered since. Well, it is 2009 and Lita Ford is back, uh, yeah. Wicked Wonderland is her new album, the title really sums it all up quite well. The lyrics throughout this entire album are wicked indeed… with nuances, imagery and flat out references to sex and lust galore. I want to taste your goddess flesh and I penetrate you are two lines taken from the song Indulge… pretty hot stuff if you are a young dude that can’t buy a date for Saturday night. Lita Ford should have known that the majority of her audience buying Wicked Wonderland are the Old School Heavy Metal crowd and we are no longer eighteen and pissed off at our parents anymore.
In the very recent issue of Revolver Magazine, (December 2009), Lita Ford states that “There’s no law that says just because you grow up, you have to stop being naughty”. Oh, it gets better… “The album is pretty much based on our home life”. Lita, Lita, oh, Lita Ford. I will interject here by saying – and this is my quote here – there is a Metal law that says just because you grow up, YOU HAVE TO STOP making annoying music. Plus, it is NOT a turn on for me, to know what goes on in your bedroom. Ew. Now, this is coming from a middle aged Metalhead who is extremely open minded to all Metal Music that has ever existed, plus I kinda like to keep the intimacy that occurs in my home, with my wife, a secret. That is the REAL turn on for me. Sure, there will be a crowd out there that wants to know what Lita Ford does in her, um, spare time, I am not one of them.
To actually listen to all fifteen songs on Wicked Wonderland was like listening to a once glorified Heavy Metal star just pushing out tunes because she’s famous and she can. It appears that Lita Ford’s husband Jim Gillette lends his background vocals throughout Wicked Wonderland. Man, this guy sounds not just creepy, he is a major league part of the ANNOYING FACTOR that this album illuminates. Ugh. I guess Jim Gillette used to be the lead vocalist for some band called… Nitro. Nitro? Does not ring a Metal bell for me. Let me put this in perspective here… Bed is the worst song I have ever listened to in my life. Wicked Wonderland is without question, the worst “Heavy Metal” album that I have bought since, well, since ever. “Tie me to the bed”… these lyrics alongside some of the most bothersome guitar you will ever listen to, throw in the constant ANNOYING keyboards and you have the epitome of BAD.
Is there at least one song on Wicked Wonderland that is at least… tolerable? Uh, let’s see… maybe Scream 4 Me is a bit groovy. Metal truth be told, if Lita Ford created more songs like Scream 4 Me on this album, it would have been a more credible project in the end. It is extremely rare for me to put any album or band through the Metal wringer on Metal Odyssey. Really, it has to be a monumental bad listening experience in Heavy Metal for me to bark this fierce. After listening to Wicked Wonderland twice, I felt an obligation to the Metal world to give my fair warning regarding this Lita Ford album, uh, disaster. In the end, Wicked Wonderland makes for a decent comedy album, the ending song is Push. Uh, yeah, there is sexual innuendo stacked up to the ceiling on Push. Weeeeeeeeeee! I’m selling my Wicked Sensation CD first thing Thursday morning to the used CD dealer, (I hope he buys it). Sometimes immaturity is best expressed through song, yet to combine it with lack of integrity as Lita Ford did with Wicked Wonderland is simply astonishing.
To my best Metal buddy Scott… I should have heeded your warning about this album, Metal lesson learned.
Ozzy Osbourne, the Heavy Metal Prince of Darkness. Ozzy Osbourne – Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee with Black Sabbath. Honestly, I revere the living hell out of this Heavy Metal legend. I did get to see Ozzy Osbourne live in concert twice during my lifetime. For me, those two concerts were unbelievable, with Metallica opening up for Ozzy in New Haven Connecticut, (at the spooky New Haven Coliseum) – it was The Ultimate Sin Tour for Ozzy and Metallica was promoting their legendary Master of Puppets album. The other Ozzy concert I saw had Queensryche open for Ozzy in Springfield, Massachusetts, (at the Springfield Civic Center), on this same Ultimate Sin Tour. Alright, so it is obvious I think the Metal world of Ozzy Osbourne… fine. However, by process of elimination, there has to be my least favorite Ozzy Osbourne song out there and there is one. I do not think much of the song, uh, ballad So Tired from Ozzy’s Bark At The Moon album. This song, ugh, ballad is responsible for my distaste of most Heavy Metal ballads ever released since, by any band. This album was released on December 10, 1983. Don’t get me wrong here, the Bark At The Moon album as a whole, is unreal good. Three songs on this album are incredible for me… Rock ‘n’ Roll Rebel, You’re No Different and of course – Bark At The Moon. These three Ozzy songs I can hold up on a Metal pedestal forever. Plus, Jake E. Lee on guitar is a Metal bonus to listen to.
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