CAUTION: Turkey Farts are an extreme public safety concern, when inhaled in a confined living room, with no air circulation, amongst a large gathering of relatives, friends and/or total strangers that ate like famished farm goats on Thanksgiving Day. Do not light a match or lighter in this extreme situation either, Turkey Farts are incredibly flammable. Any door marked “bathroom” within a Thanksgiving feast setting should also be avoided… unless you are equipped with a certified industrial gas mask.
* LOWER DWELLING EVACUATION PROCEDURES:
*NEVER move to a higher level of the house/apartment to escape a Turkey Fart… as with all nasty farts, they are fueled by excessive heat which only makes them rise farther into the air. Survivors of Turkey Fart inhalation will tell you, move to lower ground and make certain you bring enough beer with you. Beer Farts are not known to be as toxic as a Turkey Fart, therefore, the Beer Fart is the lesser of two evils.
* NOTE: You can escape a Turkey Fart by going outside; only the NFL games, assorted pastry, party platters, cheese, crackers and refreshments are all readily available… inside your own/hosts dwelling. Also, it is not far fetched to walk/run into an invading “Turkey Fart Thunder Cloud” from another neighborhood dwelling that is engulfing an entire street or city block… that is a whole other Turkey Fart nightmare for another day. Instead, be wise and refer back to “lower dwelling evacuation procedures.”
* WARNING SIGNS OF POTENTIAL TURKEY FART OUTBURSTS:
In the extreme event you begin to hear a relative/friend/stranger utter: “gobble, gobble”, they are experiencing what is known as Turkey Fart hallucination. Get as far away from this person as you can! This is a tell tale sign that this Turkey glutton has eaten more turkey than their body can handle, resulting in toxic Turkey Fart emissions.
* Stay clear from any relative or immediate family member who exclaims upon finishing their Thanksgiving meal: “gosh, all I want to do right about now is lie down.” This person is a carrier of Turkey Fart fever! Within 2 to 4 minutes, this dangerous individual will be letting loose Turkey Farts so potent and bizarre, you will wish you were standing in the middle of the Arctic Circle… with some cold beer and Black Metal blasting, of course.
Keep it safe this Thanksgiving and beware of Turkey Farts.
If you or someone you know, is a Turkey Fart inhalation survivor, please feel free to comment about it. Letting your story be heard, is the first step towards defeating your Turkey Fart anxiety.
Stone.
Today, my wife, myself and twin daughters all decided on adopting a homeless cat. He already comes with a name… Del. Del has only one eye, the other is shut closed. He is currently living in a shelter and is in great health. The shelter he is in now rescued him from a “kill” shelter. The poor guy has also been de-clawed, yet that is alright, Del will be our house cat. Yup, Del will be able to have full reign of the house, (within reason of course). Being a four year old cat, he probably has some stories to tell… if he could only talk. We pick up Del on Sunday, November 15th. Del is a silver tiger, with white and gray stripes. (No, he is not a real tiger). I and my family cannot wait to get this dude, he will fit right in for sure.
I can remember the moment like it was yesterday. The moment in time of buying my first Michael Schenker Group album, at Caldor department store, back in 1982. It was the second studio album from Michael Schenker Group, it is often referred to as MSG ll, yet no where on my original album that I bought does it have the marking of “ll” on it. I guess the mystery of “ll” shall stay in my Metal mystery files for now. You can see, as proof, on the image below this post, that the front cover does not have “ll” on it. This image depicts the original album cover, the copy that I still own to this day. I have kept this Michael Schenker Group album in pristine condition for 28 years, this is an album that I extremely admire and highly recommend. The eight songs on this album are best described as Hard Rock, I find it difficult to label this album as straight forward Heavy Metal. There is one exception, Attack of the Mad Axeman is the one song from this album that I would label as an early 1980’s Heavy Metal song, in my Metal opinion.
I am listening to Rancid today, all day. In my house, in my car, it does not matter. Rancid is my band of choice due to the slick and groove saturated Punk Rock style they bestow. They are Street Punk at many turns, yet they are so much from the Old School Punk Rock mold of the Ramones too. Kickin’ and fun, (gasp), did I just use the F word there? In my area today, the weather is miserable – rainy, semi-cold, of course cloudy and dank. What better band for me, than Rancid… to get my energy level back on high and to kick start my day and attitude. I am actually going to settle on one Rancid CD to crank today – …And Out Come The Wolves. The richness and foundation of Rock and Roll 101 is so evident in the Punk Rock of Rancid, especially on this album. My adoration for Rancid grows each and every time I listen to their Punk Rock. Out of the nineteen songs on this album, there is not one to skip over. I apologize to no one for being a rabid Rancid fan. Life is too short, I love the music I listen to – end of Metal story. Uh, not really… Rancid rules.
I just can’t explain it though, there are those certain bands that just make you feel like everything is cool and alright. Rancid is just that band for me. Over the weekend, I just hung up the very large Rancid poster that comes inside their new CD – let the dominoes fall. The front of the poster is the front cover group photo on that CD, (pictured to the left of this paragraph). On the back of the poster are all of the songs lyrics – real cool. I put this poster inside a very large, thick plastic sleeve for protection too. It is hanging up in my Rocked out basement. It serves me right. Plus, my daughters dig Rancid like there is no tomorrow and this poster being hung makes the basement that much more homey for us all. Rancid is a Punk Rock Band that you should give a try, especially those who are sitting on the fence about wanting some Punk Music in their life. The social commentary and relevance of Rancid’s lyrics are entertaining as they are legitimate. In my most honest of Metal opinions, I just cannot resist the damn credibility of Rancid. The overall realness of …And Out Come The Wolves and any of the other Rancid albums overflows. I can’t ever jump onto that dreaded word – Pop, and attach it to this band… never. Rancid is not Pop Punk – period.
My unreal great and undeniably loving Mother passed away on July 10, 2009. She just turned seventy years old this past April of 2009. To look at her, you would never know she was seventy, really. My Mom is a true hero and inspiration to me, always will be. She suffered a series of strokes in the Fall of 1990, therefore my Mom was a courageous survivor for nearly twenty years. Not being able to speak and having paralysis on the right side of her body were the two biggest obstacles that my Mom endured for two decades. That did not stop her from enjoying life, seeing her children get married and enjoying four grandchildren. Thanks to my heroic Father who became my Mom’s full time caregiver, many people and family members were given the gift of my Mom’s presence, thoughts and love for much longer than was initially predicted by doctors. Being born from my Mom was a gift and she was a gift to me for forty three years of my life. I now am convinced, that my Mom can speak and walk again up in heaven, where she has been reunited with her parents and without any doubt… my incredible sister too. I am at peace knowing my Mom is healthy again in heaven, no more suffering… my Mom has earned her place with the angels.
Alright, as my Mom would probably say right about now… enough with all of the sad stuff, let’s have a good time. I cannot resist reflecting on good times, heck, that is why they are called that in the first place. You see, my Mom was in her own special right… a fan of Heavy Metal. She was without question, one of the biggest advocates for Heavy Metal amongst any other Mom I knew, while growing up as a teenager back in the 1980’s. Her knowledge of the past and current bands back in the late 1970’s and through the 1980’s was admirable. There was a hiccup, however, when I was in sixth grade, in regards to my being allowed to have a KISS album in the house. My Mom took one look at the cover of KISS Alive ll and she said – no way. The blood spewing from the mouth of Gene Simmons was over the top for her. She specifically said that no son of hers would have that in her house. Well, to make a long story short, after she heard the song I was Made For Lovin’ You by KISS, the decision to allow KISS and any of their albums into our house was cleared to go. KISS was in… the world of Heavy Metal had a new fan… my Mom.
Yes, my Mom would go out of her way to drive me and my buddies thirty minutes – out of town, to Strawberries Records and Tapes. These Heavy Metal excursions, (as we called them back then), would happen at the drop of a dime! After school, on the weekends, on days off from school and during the Summer… with my Mom it was no problem. She loved those trips to Strawberries. We sometimes would have four dudes in the back seat, with me up front and my Mom leading the way behind the wheel – those Heavy Metal journeys, (we called them that too), are memories that no money can buy. At least half of my Heavy Metal collection of albums and tapes, were courtesy of what my Mom would pick out on her own back then. We would storm into Strawberries and my Mom would seek out albums like a bobcat seeking out it’s prey. She is responsible for my having every Rainbow album ever made at the time. Iron Maiden too. Honestly, I never would have listened to Scorpions World Wide Live if not for my Mom, she would find and buy some prime albums for me back then.
Motorhead is and always will be a core favorite Heavy Metal Band of mine, (a top 3 band without a doubt). I was first introduced to this prolific band back around 1983, a friend of mine in high school gave me an 8-track of a live Motorhead bootleg. (This dudes name was Rich, I am glad we had crossed paths back then). The sound was enormously awful, (the actual 8-track didn’t help), the lead vocals were beyond raspy and unclear and the Heavy Metal Music being played was raw, uncommercial and unlike anything I had ever heard before in my young life. I loved it. I was beyond thrilled at listening to this Motorhead 8-track. I was enamored by every unpolished intricacy that my rookie Metalhead ears heard. Here is this band, on a beat up 8-track, recorded as a live bootleg somewhere far away in the world, that only a dozen or so dudes in my high school even knew about at that time in 1983. All that was written on the blank white sticker on this 8-track was a barely legible – Motorhead Live. I’ll never forget that… an Old School Metal memory at it’s most innocent. I was awe struck by the unnatural vocals of Lemmy Kilmister and his bass was over powering to boot. Gimme some more Motorhead is what I said.
When I listen to 
There are those select few bands, select few albums throughout my life that I have listened to, that I can say – resonates with me. Drivin N Cryin is one of those bands and their 1993 album – Smoke
There is no hiding from the fact that I uphold Metal Music and I am a Metalhead, with that said, I also uphold quality Rock and Hard Rock Music as well. Drivin N Cryin enables me to embrace their songs through their vivid musicianship and clarity of their lyrics. With Smoke, there are no illusions going on, no flamboyant and over the ropes attitudes to be heard, just straight -up Rock Music that hits home for me. The first three songs, Back Against The Wall, She Doesn’t Wanna Go and Smoke on Smoke are a 1-2-3 Hard Rock can of whoop ass. 1000 Swings and 1988 are by far cool Rockers as well. Whiskey Soul Woman is just one incredible Rock song to cruise to, it has a Classic Rock vibe swirling all around. When You Come Back is a laid back, Blues Rockin’ song that shows just how diverse Drivin N Cryin can be with Rock. Patron Lady Beautiful can be justified as an epic Rock song for Drivin N Cryin, at 7:36 it plays out with the Rock mellowness that I need to hear every so often and takes it’s twists and turns with Hard Rock heaviness – in real Classic Rock style. What’s The Difference 
I am going to embark on a topic that may be sensitive to some people… what really happens when a grocery store song gets you, well, psyched? I have decided tonight, to come out of the grocery store song closet. Yup. Please note, that department store chains also play songs over their central speaker system as well… I will refer to grocery store songs to simplify things. Be honest with yourself, there just had to be at least one moment in your life, where you were innocently shopping in a grocery store and then… that song was played. For me, I have had numerous experiences while grocery shopping and suddenly a song begins that just touches my Rock and Roll nerve. How do you act when this situation arises? Do you show emotion? Maybe you hide your psyched out – inner feelings and pretend that nothing is going on at all, you are in a public setting… a damn grocery store for Metal sakes. Let’s explore this incredibly taboo subject together now, shall we?
It is really senseless to ignore that this grocery store song phenomenon exists… it is o.k. to hear a song playing in a grocery store that psyches you out. My top three grocery store songs ever are: Lido Shuffle by Boz Skaggs, Sweet Talkin’ Woman by The Electric Light Orchestra and Call Me by Blondie. Seriously, I really strain to hold back my psyched out feelings when Lido Shuffle gets played at the grocery store – really. I can remember each moment when I heard these three songs in the grocery store… I felt so good I wanted to run up and down the aisles, high five strangers while shouting yeah! I have been fortunate enough to have heard Sweet Talkin’ Woman several times at the grocery store now, each time is a psyched out charm. Now, for the truth… when I do hear a grocery store song that gets me riveted, I stay cool and collected. My face may show signs of Rock Music satisfaction, a semi-grin if you will, however, staying cool is the best advice I can give anyone who hears a song they like in the grocery store. Just this evening, I was meandering about in an antiques mall, my wife and one half of my twin daughters were close by. Anyhow, inside this antiques mall, Old School Country Music was being played through the stores speaker system. No songs were psyching me out… no problem, until… Carly Simon came on with Your So Vain.
Uh, Carly Simon did get me semi-psyched out at the antiques mall tonight. Maybe it was due to my surroundings… all of this old stuff… antiques everywhere, the ambiance within the framework of this store is quite calm and somewhat like a rerun of The Walton’s. With all of this mellow and old fashioned stimulus around me, hearing Carly Simon sing Your So Vain in the midst of all the Old School Country Music just did it for me. Honestly, I now understand why Faster Pussycat did a cover of Your So Vain… this song most likely struck a chord with Taime Downe (lead singer of Faster Pussycat), like it did me tonight. Weird stuff. Remember, we as a society, are most likely 35 years away from hearing Megadeth and Obituary songs being played as grocery store songs. This is a shame. I have to take what is given to me here, then my Rock and Roll mind filters out the very best of what I do hear with these current grocery store songs that are being played… the psyche me out ones. Now, before you ever step foot into a grocery store again, please take some solid Metal advice in regards to getting psyched out by a song you may hear once there…
Metal Odyssey > Heavy Metal Music Blog 
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